Shinji Wake Up!
by Anonymous Joe
Summary: This is about Shinji's life after divine intervention. I guess you can call it an Alternate Universe AxS.
1. A dream from above…

Shinji wake up!

Disclaimer: Warning – consuming and/or inadvertent exposure to this fanfic can cause……

Vomiting

Cancer

Death

Broken Bones

Toe Fungus

Diarrhea

Flatulence

Reverse Peristalsis

And any other ailment you can think of…….

Also I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion nor do I own any of the characters. Actually I own absolutely nothing thus I live in a cardboard box on the sidewalk and beg people for money…… "I got's nutin!"

But in all seriousness I really don't own any of Neon Genesis Evangelion! This was NOT used with the permission of the companies that own it and/or any of it's characters. It is meant as a compliment to its creator and is really just a spoof. Also I didn't have permission of Bob Dole, His campaign, the Republican Party of the United States of America or the use of the song, "I am a Dole man" (Sorry Bob.) ((You will see him later in the fanfic)) Oh yeah…I don't own the SAT…

Also

Special Thanks to L33t N1nj4 Boris for the proofreading, editing and help filling me in on some of my mistakes. (Also for writing most of the Misato scene…)

Thanks to everyone (L33t N1nj4 Boris) who let me bounce ideas off them. (I know it hurt but over time your wounds shall heal… I hope) (And no, I will NOT pay for your medical bill.)

Editorial Marks….

"" is when spoken aloud (sometimes used to offset something)

'' is thoughts

()help from me, the author to clarify something or to make a witty comment.

**Chapter 1- A dream from above…**

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Shinji's "World" – (Have Fun!) …..

Shinji just had adverted third impact…Used the Evangelions to stop the 17 angels...Killed Tabris… Brought back Asuka…. And….And……He….

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Ikari's Home-Shinji's Bedroom (Ignore the mess!)

Shinji wakes with a start. The word "Disgusting" ringing throughout his mind. He soon realizes he is covered in a cold sweat and begins to remember his REAL life. 'All that was just a dream' he thought. 'Had to be ….Gendo being an evil leader…..HA! …He (Shinji) living in Japan was an even bigger laugh …he lived in a small house on the outskirts of New York City for heavens sake!

He looked around his desolate room. The walls were blue, the floor was a complete mess and he had posters of his favorite sports teams hung up. His eye finally came to rest upon an empty tea cup and a SAT prep book. "Wow! ….That tea threw me for a loop" said Shinji aloud 'Last time I drink Gendo's "Special Blend" of tea.'

He then slipped out of his race car shaped bed and began to change. Once in his proper attire he went to take a shower. When he got there he found the door to be locked and the sound of a running shower could be heard through the door.

Shinji banged on the door for a few seconds and then shouted "Finished Yet! Hurry up I need to shower for school!"

Rei's voice screamed back over the noise from the shower, "It is not my fault that you stayed up all night to study stupid books. The test isn't for months or in your case years!"

Shinji just shouted, "Hurry up!" and Rei heard her brother's footsteps walk away from the door.

Rei then released a sigh of relief. She thought to herself 'He has changed. I don't know how in one night he became assertive. Oh well back to thinking about that stud Kensuke Aida …' (Well, I will try to keep this appropriate for most y'all boys and girls…So you can just imagine what Rei's thoughts were about…)

Still frustrated at his sister for not allowing him to shower he decided to get his breakfast. So he slowly walked down the stairs to see his father standing there. Gendo was wearing his uniform for work.. He worked at Nerv-Mart a large shopping chain that bought bulk items and sold them for low, low, low (I mean really uber low) prices. The uniform was a red vest with Nerv-Mart on the back with a picture of an Angel. ( I mean a godly angel NOT the one from the series! Geez! Stop jumping to conclusions…)

Standing next to Gendo was Yui Ikari. She was making breakfast while wearing an apron over her suit that she wore to work. She was the C.E.O. of Gehirn Steel and Electric Co.

As Shinji walked into the kitchen, Gendo noticed his son presents. "So… Did have a good sleep?" He questioned.

"Yeah…I had this really weird dream…"He stated.

But before he could finish Gendo cut him off, "We don't care about your dreams…" Then in a whisper, "Or your mom will take away my "Organic" tea again."

Before he could respond to this Shinji could hear Rei's voice calling to tell him that the shower was open for him to use. Shinji turned to go up stairs when Gendo kissed him and Yui on their cheek.

"I got to go or I'll be late….Love you" said Gendo. The then preceded to shout up the stairs' "Bye Rei! I expect to hear great things about you when you get home!" He then turned to Shinji, "And I expect … to hear…about you….yeah…" He then grabbed his keys and stormed out of the door.

Yui then shouted for the both of her children to here, "Your father and I have to work late … So Misato is coming over to…" But before she could finish she could hear the groans of Shinji and even Rei from up stairs. "Oh, No you don't! Neither of you should give me any lip..."

"But she is a **Drunkard**" said Shinji

"Yeah and when that Kaji comes over with her ugh…", added Rei.

"Well yes…Misato is a bit…well um … of a free sprit…yes that's how to say it… but that is no reason to chastise her… and she works for nearly nothing so it is the best fiscal choice!" scorned Yui. "It getting late you better get ready and head off to school" she said.

Shinji and Rei both knew it was futile to argue now that their mother had just ended the debate. So Shinji ran up stairs to get showered as Rei got "all dolled up" as they say. Afterwards they left for school.

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Ramiel Institute of Education –

Shinji had spotted his friend Kensuke Aida who was in the corner reading a book entitled, "Area 52- The OTHER place THEY didn't want you to know about!" Shinji quickly sped up to talk with his friend.

"What ARE you reading!" asked Shinji

Kensuke looked up obviously startled by the interruption from his world of spies and military cover-ups. "Oh hi Shinji…THIS? Well THIS talks about how the government has been placing mind control chips in the inside of white bread. Also how they are using cows to spy…" He dropped off from his tirade when he noticed Rei had been staring at him. "Dude, what is up with your sister? Is she like sick or something?" asked Kensuke.

"What do you mean? My sister is just fine, thank you very much!" replied Shinji in a very irritated voice.

"Geez, What died in your oatmeal today? I was just wondering why she has just been staring at me this whole time." stated, Kensuke

Shinji alarmed, turned around to find his sister looking at the them. Perturbed by this lack of personal space he shouted, "Sis, What are you waiting around here for?"

Obviously searching for an answer, she replied awkwardly. "Well….Uh…. Hikari Horaki said uh….That she wanted to speak to me so I was waiting for her here."

Kensuke also a little freaked out, replied in a somewhat higher pitched voice, "That reminds me Shinji that succubus, your sister speaks of , came and swept off with Toji. I begged him not to go but this is what I get for my trouble." He proceeded to show him a bruise on his right on arm.

Rei looked surprised at first, 'I should have saw this coming' and then said aloud, "In that case I better go find Hikari and the other stooge. Bye brother." Then in a semi-seductive voice says "I'll see you later Kensuke." Then smiles, winks and walks away.

"What the hell is wrong with your sister today!" said Kensuke.

"Don't look at me…I don't know the first thing about women." 'Nor do I want to understand my sister' Shinji finished.

"Speaking of you and women…The red devil was looking for you before. I hope that you don't plan on pursuing a relationship with HER, I lost Toji I am not going to lose you."

"I TOLD you a hundred times, me and Asuka are just friends." Asserted Shinji.

"That's not what the gossip I heard said." Seeing Shinji's ensuing protest coming he continued, "Kaworu Nagisa said he could get proof that you and the Red Devil are … you know … an item." Said Kensuke.

"Don't ever mention him again. You KNOW how I feel about that … boy if you can call him that! And another thing, don't call Asuka that, she may get little upset."

Then the voice neither wished to hear at this moment came, "That's right my little Shinji… Big bad Asuka will get a tad bit upset at that name." Then she decked Kensuke out cold.

Shinji was preparing to get hit but didn't. Curious he timidly asked Asuka about this. "Asuka, aren't you going to hurt me?"

"Of course I will but I think I will wait until you do something stupid…" Asuka said. Shinji looked puzzled after this so she realized she needed to explain this concept to the stooge. "What I mean is that you stood up to him and told him to stop calling me" she shudders "…THAT …name. About time you grew some balls." When Shinji didn't respond, she felt white hot rage rush over her so she hit him over the head with her books. "Answer me stupid…" she yelled after hitting him.

After this incident Asuka helped Shinji up "Come along my invincible Shinji, My knight is shining armor." she said with her voice dripping with sarcasm. "I need you to carry my books to class." Fearing another walloping, Shinji hastily agreed and picked up all of Asuka's books.

As they walked down the halls toward the class rooms you could hear the gossip already spreading in the hordes of girls when they saw Shinji carrying Asuka's books. But one cold glance from Asuka got them to shut up for the moment.

"So…How has my Shinji been doing? Hmmmm….?" Asuka said in a teasing voice.

Shinji was caught off guard for this seemingly personal question. So after a pause he replied in a soft voice, "Well my head still hurts from where you hit me. I didn't even deserve it."

"WHAT! DIDN'T DESERVE IT! ARE YOU MOCKING ME?" with this she hit Shinji upside the head again. Knocking Shinji to the floor.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to." said Shinji softly

'Well he is back to his old self' she thought. Then said, "Will you stop being sorry. It is getting on my nerves."

"I'll try" he replied and got back up. They then walked to English class, Shinji walked four paces behind so he was no longer in Auska's strike range.

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English class – (Remember your gerunds!)

Once they reached English class Shinji quickly went to his seat near the window next to Toji and Kensuke. While Asuka took her time walking to her seat enjoying the attention she got from all the males in the classroom. Once seated, the classroom returned to its normal buzzing conversations and gossip.

"Isn't she wonderful!" said Toji as if in a trance.

"Ahhhh! I told you they would get his soul! See Shinji! See!" said Kensuke.

"What do you mean? All I see is a love struck jock.." said Shinji

"I knew it! The red devil…" Kensuke trailed off seeing Shinji's face of what looked to be rage mixed with embarrassment. 'Nah he couldn't be…'he thought. "has gotten to you too!" he finished

Shinji was embarrassed that Kensuke had noticed and tried to avoid it but no excuse came to mind. "What are you implying?" he quickly stated.

Kensuke seemed as if he was going to talk again when the teacher spoke up to control the classroom. "Shinji Ikari! If you don't stop talking to your friend this instant you will be spending some "quality" time with the erasers after class! Do I make myself clear?" shouted the teacher.

"Crystal." Replied Shinji. Thinking of having to explain to Yui that he had gotten detention made him squirm in his seat.

"Good!" The teacher then went back to talking about how a gerund is a verb that acts as a noun in a sentence, but Shinji wasn't paying any attention. Soon his thoughts would be interrupted by the shrill cry of the teacher. He quickly came to attention to see what the problem was.

"Asuka! Stop lollygagging and pay attention!"

"I was Mrs. Silverstel-helition-en…uh… Oh why does your name have to be long and hard to pronounce!" shouted Asuka.

"Well prove it! Quickly tell us how that sentence can be broken down and show us ALL the gerunds! Also I wouldn't be talking about names…"

Asuka grabbed some chalk and went up to the board. She was trying to diagram the sentence but since she had just learned the language, so she wasn't able to.

"Just as I suspected…You are nothing more than eye candy for every boy and will never amount to anything!" shouted the teacher with a triumphant smile on her face.

The class began to laugh expect for Shinji and Hikari. Toji was laughing so hard he was holding his stomach and Kensuke's glasses were fogging up from his laughter. Asuka was extremely angry and also hurt on the inside. She was about to make a remark when there was a loud bang. Everyone turned to see what this was.

What they saw was Shinji. He was standing up with his chair fallen behind him. His face was red and a pure look of rage on his face. What he then did was something that he would never have done before his "Dream". He pointed directly at the teacher and then spoke these words with the most sincerity he had ever uttered.

"Don't you DARE say anything like THAT to her again! Or I will show you what it means to be an Ikari!"

Asuka was completely surprised at what her friend had just done. He had stood up for her when no one else would dare. She realized something had changed him...he had become a man.

The teacher was outraged at this outburst. She then said, "Didn't I tell you that if I heard one more word from you that you would be punished! Am I speaking another language!"

At this Shinji laughed not caring for his well being any longer. "Yes! You ARE speaking another language!" He paused for impact "We are immigrants from OTHER nations! We came here because of Gehirn Steel and Electric Co." He paused, pleased at the dumbstruck look on the teachers face. "I speak Japanese! She speaks German! And that dunce over there" He points to a stereotypical Viking sitting in the corner sharpening his battle axe "Speaks…well…I don't know what the hell he speaks but it sure ain't English " He then realized he was in over his head but some emotion he had never felt before overrode his common sense. "I don't care about being punished! You had NO right to tell Asuka that!"

Some of the class started laughing at the teachers oversight but the others, especially Asuka, Rei and the other stooges were silent at seeing how Shinji was acting. The teacher was flabbergasted and Asuka took this time to back up her friend.

"Yeah, you stupid old hag! Dummkopf!"

The teacher then had a face that would even scare the devil himself. She said in a slow and distinct voice, "Well then if that is how you feel… you just earned yourselves two weeks of detention after class starting today! I will also be alerting your parents of your outburst! Now sit down and shut up before I have to give you more _Extreme Punishments_!" She then looked around the room and said, "THAT goes for ALL of you!"

Shinji quickly took his seat. (After regaining his chair…Geez! Do I have to explain EVERYTHING to you!) After what had just happened caught up to him, he began to go red with embarrassment replacing his rage . He could not believe what he had just done. 'Why did I do that! That was stupid!... Now there are going to be more rumors!...Why did I stick up for Asuka and not myself?' these thoughts continued to swirl around his head until after class.

As Shinji was packing up for his next class, Asuka was avoiding him and quickly got her books and left without a glance at Shinji.

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Hallways-

The stooges were completely blown away by this latest stunt Shinji had pulled.

Kensuke was starting to spin a tale about how Shinji may have become so...lets just say angry.

"I heard about this before! This same thing happened to a guy named Galledorwaymorlansmortzga the third" said an overly excited Kensuke.

"Galluh-whosit?" said Toji (Kensuke will now refer to Galledorwaymorlansmortzga the third as G-money)

"Yeah… Some American kid told me when we first got here. He said that G-money had just drank chocolate milk from the school cafeteria. Which we all know has nano-bots in them that control our minds to believe in government cover-ups. Well anyway, G-money, you see, used one of those hot air hand dryers right after. Which made the nano-bots malfunction and…"

Shinji had just about enough of Kensuke's plots and went back to his thinking. 'Why did I do that' he thought and then a very strange thing occurred. A voice answered him back. "Because that is who you really are." 'Who are you?' thought Shinji. "I am your protector…I am your shield and sword…I am what you may call an angel." (GOD! WILL YOU STOP MAKING CONCLUSIONS! I mean A REAL angel from God NOT that ones from the SERIES! Geez, your starting to get on my nerves!) 'I must be going nuts to be hearing voices in my head.' Shinji looked around trying to figure out if one of his fellow students was playing a joke on him. But at that moment Toji and Kensuke, were in an argument over if Hikari was stealing Toji's soul and everyone else he saw was on their way to class.

"No you are not crazy I am trying to help you" said this mysterious voice.

'Then what do you mean that was "who I really am"?'

"That dream you had was NOT an ordinary dream. Oh no! That was a dream from me to awaken your true self. You were weak and beaten down by the world and I allowed you to see everything more clearly."

'Then why did I stand up for Asuka and not myself ?'

"We all do crazy things for the object we wish to protect."

'You mean…'

"Yes…Didn't I make that clear? Oh I must go now, the boss wants to see me. I think you will be okay now."

Just as Shinji was about to ask another question to the voice, Toji took his attention away.

"I don't think Shinji has nano-bots but I do think Shinji is…in love…" Toji said in a teasing manner.

"I am NOT" screamed a now red faced Shinji.

"Yeah whatever… we better be off to class" was the only response from his friends

Shinji just gave a weak goodbye and set off for his next class which was home-economics. But before he could get there Rei blocked his path.

"What were you thinking brother?" she asked in a condescending voice.

"I was thinking that no one had the right to do that. Sister" He added this last part to be sarcastic.

"So…You have changed…You're more of a man." Shinji blushed at this, but this did not stop his sister from talking. "But just wait until mom hears about this."

Shinji's stomach sank, he knew that he would not be able to breathe without his mother knowing after this. "Well at least I don't have to put up with Misato for an hour or so longer than I thought". Rei laughed at this comment but then had a smirk on her face.

"I can help smooth this over with mom… IF you do a little favor for me…" she said.

"Anything. I will do Anything you want, it can't be as bad as mom" was his reply.

"Well…For starters I need you to do my share of chores…"

Shinji jumped at the chance of redemption, "Done! What else?"

"Well I want you to … uh …set me up with… Kensuke..." Rei blushes.

Shinji felt as if he was going to vomit. "What!" He shouted.

"You heard me" said a slightly embarrassed Rei

Shinji groaned knowing he had no other option, "I'll try but I ain't guaranteeing anything."

Rei smirked and said, "That's all I ask." And she then walked away.

Shinji then feeling sick from his sister's request, turned around and headed for class.

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Grocery store – (Caution – Very RANDOM scene! It was funny to me so it might be to you. Don't hold it against me. If you don't like it just skip it. It has no plot elements, it was just for my enjoyment.)

Gendo stood there in front of the snack isle. He couldn't decide which flavor potato chip he wished to eat. So he concocted a plan, soon after which he called Fuyutsuki on his cell phone.

"Fuyutsuki here!" was the reply

"I have plan…" was Gendo's response.

"No! I don't want any more potato chips! We go through this EVERYDAY!" and Fuyutsuki slammed the phone down.

Gendo was furious, now he was in a pickle. He had no idea which potato chips he wanted. "Do I want the BBQ or the Plain…Hmmm…?' He couldn't decide. After about fifteen minutes a thought came to him. 'What would Gandhi do…'

Ten minutes later Gendo came walking out of the store carrying shopping bags upon shopping bags full of every type of potato chip. "I hope Shinji and Rei are ready for potato chips for dinner again." He said aloud.

After Gendo found a picnic table in the park he sat down. (duh!) He then began to open each bag and take out one potato chip. While doing this he would say, "I declare you the First…Second…Third…Fourth… chip" and so on. After consuming each chip he would then say aloud, "All going according to plan…" He laughed evilly for a few seconds, coughed, and then resumed eating the chips.

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Detention –

Shinji took his walk of shame to the English classroom as he knew he would for the next two weeks. On his way there he meet some other students who either gave him the Thumbs-Up-Sign or just gave him a smile. 'By now the whole school knows' thought Shinji. As he made the turn into the hall where his English class was, he saw Asuka go into the classroom. He heart pained to see her go in there, for if he could he would do her punishment too. He would never say these feelings because he knew if he had Asuka would just beat the living daylights out of him…then probably never talk to him ever again.

Shinji made his way into the classroom seeing the detention teacher already telling Asuka what to do.

"Oh, I see you have finally decided to arrive Mr. Ikari. Well as I was just telling Asuka here…" He pronounced her name wrong on purpose just to annoy them. (He said it like, Ah-soo-kah) At this gross mispronunciation Asuka flinched but did not dare to question a teacher again. The teacher continued after a little pause to see if there were any objections. "You and her will wash the desk tops, wash the chalkboard, clap erasers and sharpen pencils everyday until I SEE FIT! Understood?"

They both said simultaneously, "Yessir!"

"Good! Now I have a meeting with the principal so when I get back in two hours you two better still be here and finished." He was about to leave when He had to add one more thing. "Also no goofing off while I am gone or I'll show what it means to be a teacher." (He then growls) He turned and left. Leaving just Asuka and Shinji alone in the room to do their punishment.

Shinji grabbed an eraser and began cleaning the board. He was silent because he had nothing to say. Then Asuka saw him in a way she never saw before…He looked handsome. She then had the irresistible urge to kiss Shinji. It took all she could to hold back.

'We are just friends' she thought while trying to remain silent and look normally.

After about ten minutes of complete silence Shinji finally decided to break the ice by apologizing thinking she was angry at him. He decided to approach the topic very sensitively.

"I'm sorry Asuka…for getting you in so much trouble…I just…couldn't stand her talking to you like that." said Shinji.

Asuka was caught off guard by the comment and said, "There is no need to apologize. You did what you thought was right and…Thanks for sticking up for me."

Shinji was not expecting this, blushed, and smiled back at her. That urge that Asuka had been fighting had come back this time with renewed strength. The last thought she had was 'Damn hormones'.

She looked at Shinji and said, "I can't believe I am going to do this."

He looked back at her and said, "What do you mean Asuka?"

Just as he finished, Asuka looked at him with a strange look in her eyes and leaned over and kissed him. Shinji dropped the eraser he was holding and they began to embrace each other. Shinji didn't know if Asuka meant it or not but he didn't care. This innocent peck turned into a minute ordeal. It would have lasted longer until they both heard a noise. (Sorry I am not good at writing this type of romantic stuff.)

This noise was the undeniable click of a camera shutter. Asuka and Shinji looked around the room to find the source. Shinji's eyes then landed on who else but his worst enemy. Kaworu Nagisa, he was standing there holding a camera capturing their most private moment on film. Asuka turned red as did Shinji.

Kaworu then smiled and said, "Thank you two love birds, I have been waiting a while for that shot! Now I am going to be rich man tomorrow!"

Asuka then turned to Shinji. She asked, "Jump him?" Shinji nodded. And ran towards Kaworu catching him at the door and dragging him in. The door closes. Then a loud snapping sound is heard as is a yelp of pain. Then silence….

Kaworu had to leave that room limping…two hours later…. 'At least I still have my photo…I AM IN THE MONEY BABY! CHA-CHING! Ouch my leg…' were Kaworu 's thoughts heading to hopefully sell a couple of copies of this "gold" by the end of the night.

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Outside the Ikari's –

Shinji was walking home from school thinking about what had just happened at school…at least, attempting to think. His mind had gone numb ever since the "incident". He crossed the lawn and opened the front door.

"Misato? Rei? I'm home!" Shinji heard giggling coming from the kitchen. He entered his house and proceeded to the kitchen. Misato and Rei were sitting down at the table looking at a square shaped piece of paper. They noticed him, quickly stopped laughing, and shoved the paper under the table.

Misato got up and walked over to Shinji. "Soooo, Shinji…how was your detention?" she said teasingly.

"Huh? Uhh…umm…oh it was just fine…really." Shinji replied. He shifted nervously.

Misato then started giggling and soon she and Rei began to laugh manically. Then tried to say through giggling, "I heard…that…it was...more fun than Oktoberfest."(I know soooo… lame but hey I am the writer, what do I care? You're the one reading it.)

Rei at this point is beginning to laugh so hard that hot coffee is spraying out her nose.

"What is so funny! Are you looking in a mirror again?" said a sarcastic Shinji.

"Hey last time I was drunk!" shouted an angry Misato. Rei was laughing even harder. Shinji, feeling triumphant at his remark, continued his assault. "Oh and you're not now?"

"Hey how did you…ummm…I mean…errr…" Misato said with a reddening face. Rei was now laughing so hard that she fell out of her chair…and continued laughing.

"Anyway, what were you two looking at earlier?" Shinji said pushing his luck. Misato quickly recovered from Shinji's attacks. "Oh I think you know what we were looking at." Misato said slyly (Rei is heard laughing in the background…STILL)

"Huh? What do you mean by that?" Shinji asked. Misato grinned. "Oh just this…" She pulls out the piece of paper and hands it to Shinji. Shinji glances at it and immediately turns red with embarrassment, then white with rage. It was a picture of him and Asuka kissing. The one Kaworu took!

"Tell me…how did you get this?" Shinji said seething. Rei now stopped laughing (finally!) and turned away. Misato, noticing the look on Shinji's face, started to stutter.

"Umm…well…you see…t-there's this k-kid n-n-named Nagisa…and he sorta…."

"WHAT! I thought I beat some sense into him! Grrrr…he is SO DEAD tomorrow!" Shinji yelled, ripping up the photograph and charging out of the kitchen to umm…plan some evil plans.

"Awwww did he have to rip it up? Now I'm gonna be bored again…" Rei stated.

"Don't worry Rei, I have extras." Misato said, pulling out 5 more copies. "Hide these in your room where he won't look, quick!" Rei took the photos and ran into her room, closing the door.

Ding-dong! The doorbell rang and Misato leaped out of the kitchen to the front door. She opened the door to find a smiling Kaji. "Hiya Misato!" Misato squealed with delight. "Ooh I knew you would come!"

"Yeah…I just couldn't resist…" said a suave Kaji.

Misato garbed Kaji's hand and began leading him to Shinji's room.

"Where are we going?" said a confused Kaji.

"To "STUDY" for our college exams." Said Misato with a wink. She then banged on the door to Shinji's room.

After a minute a muffled response came, "What do you want…"

"We are here to uh… seize your room for important college exam studying…So get out…You can sleep on the sofa…or over with Asuka if you want…"Misato giggled at her own remark. Shinji then opened the door intent on saying no until Misato saw this look in his eye. She quickly whipped out another copy of the embarrassing photo and said, "If you don't Yui will have a copy of this with her newspaper…"

Shinji was flabbergasted at this remark.. He didn't know what to say but he had no choice so he snatched the photo from Misato's hand and let them pass through. 'Great… now I'll have to clean my room…AGAIN' was his last thought before heading downstairs for his resting place on the sofa.

Once he reached his destination he realized he was still holding the picture in his hands. He was about to rip it up but after looking at it he decided he would keep this copy for future battles with Asuka. So he put it in the front pocket of his race car pajama shirt and went to sleep on the sofa.

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Ikari's house – Next morning

Shinji woke-up extremely tried and confused about what happened the day before hand. He looked around trying to figure out where he was. He had woken up under an unfamiliar ceiling again. 'why am I on the sofa…'he wondered. Then the memories came flooding back to him…Asuka…Detention and ugh…Misato. "I hate that woman" he said to himself.

He slowly rose from his resting place and looked around. He jumped within his own skin…Gendo was sitting in the chair across from him with his hands folded under his nose and staring unrelentingly at him. He was wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a straw hat and a big grin on his face.

"Good Job boy!" He said enthusiastically. "That's the way the fight the man! And here I thought you were good for nothing. "

Shinji looked at his father quizzically. He then said in a sleepy tone, "What are you talkin' about?"

"Your detention of course! I was ecstatic but your mom was kinda angry until Rei explained everything." Gendo replied instantly and with a look of merriment! Shinji began to wonder what the hell Rei had told his parents. "You freedom fighters inspired me to listen Fuyutsuki and his plan to get rich. So I spent our entire lifesavings in one hour!" At hearing this, a loud and angry scream can be heard from the kitchen followed by the sound of the frying pan falling.

"WHAT!" screamed Yui from the kitchen. She ran faster than an Olympian into the living room. "OUR ENTIRE LIFE SAVINGS! HOW COULD YOU?" She began to hit Gendo with her briefcase she had sitting in the corner.

Gendo was being beaten to a pulp until he was able to get out between hits, "Yeah…You know… the one …Ouch!…I keep in my left…ugh…shoe." At this point Yui stops hitting him and Rei has come down from upstairs to see what the ruckus is.

"Oh…THAT life savings…"Yui begins to laugh.

"Damn…I told you my hiding spot…"Gendo muttered. He then continued on with his story. "Yes, that one with the now compromised security. Well…anyway Fuyutsuki had told me investing is were the money is at." Yui's face lights up at her husband final acceptance of "The system." As Gendo continues with the story, "Yeah so after I got the call from your teacher Shinji, I decided to fight the power like you so after eating a package of BBQ chips I spent the rest of the savings on…" Yui's face is filled with anticipation for which stock Gendo had bought… "These TWO lottery tickets! Ta-Da" He pulls them out of the front pocket of his Hawaiian shirt.

Yui's head drops and she mutters "I knew it…too good to be true…" Rei begins to laugh at her mothers disappointment.

Shinji trying to stop a impending row, "WOW! Great idea dad! Why don't you scratch them off now?" he said with mock enthusiasm. Gendo smiles and begins to scratch the tickets off. He then jumps for joy when he scratches the first one off. Everyone begins to cheer believing Gendo has won some sort of wonderful prize.

"What did you win?" asked Rei

"I won a Nerv brand cola at any of the fine participating Nerv-Marts tri-county wide!"

All of the Ikari household except Gendo hung their heads in shame at the false hope of being richer. Yui then hits him in the back of the head while Gendo is scratching off the last lottery ticket. Gendo after finishing scratching the last ticket hangs his head and says, "I only won a dollar…Here you can have the dollar Rei..." He hands the ticket to Rei.

"Uh…Father this says you won a hundred thousand dollars." She said with great enthusiasm.

Her father looks at her quizzically before stating the obvious, "Is that good?" She just nods her head and Gendo along with the rest of the family begin to jump up and down for joy.

"You know what we are going to do?" said Gendo the whole house stops jumping to hear Gendo's idea. "Remember that family trip we wanted to take with all of our friends and family…Well, that's what we are going to do!" Rei begins to squeal for delight. While Yui runs into the kitchen to call people for the vacation. Then Gendo adds, "Except Rei…"

"What!" she screamed at her father.

"You are going to that band camp you always wanted to go to!" Gendo stated beaming at his daughter.

"I NEVER wanted to go to band camp…I don't even play an instrument!" said a very distraught Rei.

"Well…you WILL want to, so I am just going to send you before you whine at me about how you want to go to band camp. As for your instrument…" He reaches behind the couch and hands her what seams to be a combination of a flute and a harmonica mixed together, a blue ocarina . "I found this at some nerd's yard sale…he said he had to sell it because he had just got married…That's a laugh he probably just needed the money to buy the next season of "Star Files" on DVD."

Rei looked at him with disgust. She then started to protest, "I DON'T WANT…"

Gendo cut her off, "We DON'T care…We never liked you much…"

Rei looked as if she was going to cry but hen she got a smirk on her face. She then said in a angry voice, "If I can't have fun on vacation than neither can Shinji…" She reached in her pocket and pulled out a square shaped piece of paper. Once Shinji saw it his face turned white with fear and began to silently plead to her not to show them. Rei just smirked and a handed it to Gendo. "Look at what your _GOOD _boy has been doing behind your back." she said with triumph in her voice. Shinji groaned he knew the end had come. Gendo took the paper from his daughter a looked at it. Just then the sky became dark and loud cracks of thunder could be heard. Gendo's face had turned red.

Gendo then pointed at Shinji just as a very loud crack of thunder was heard. "YOU! SINNER! YOU ARE DANCING WITH THIS HEATHEN SLUT OF THE DEVIL! YOU MUST CONFESS YOUR SINS TO GOD! OR ELSE YOU SHALL BE PLACED IN THE ETERNAL PIT OF DAMNATION! YOU MUST BEG HIM FOR FORGIVENESS! NOW!"

Shinji was terrified, he was rooted in place. At this outburst Yui came running over. "Oh it can't…" she started to stutter when she saw the photo. Her face then matched Gendo's as she began her tirade. "What HAVE you been doing! I knew those GERMANS were trouble. We have to get you tested…oh no I am ruined, my son…what have you done…" Yui began crying The clouds began to part as Gendo sat down next to his wife to comfort her. Rei began to laugh inwardly at watching her brother squirm under these conditions. 'Now I am not only one who is miserable…' she thought.

Shinji began to cast around his mind for an explanation but none were coming.

"I…I…well…Asuka and I…were um…in detention…a-a-a-and she kissed me. So…I…" This is a far as Shinji got when his mother's face perked up.

"So it was Asuka, or should I say the devil, who seduced you! Wonderful now all I have to do is ruin her family reputation and fire her parents and…" rambled Yui

"What!" said an exasperated Shinji at trying to figure out his mom.

"Yes son…If word get out you are …lets just say a ladies man… then I would be ruined…The tabloids would call me a failure at being a mother so how can I be a C.E.O." Yui finished.

"No you don't…I like Asuka…" startled at what he had let slip he then quickly and awkwardly tried to resurrect his secrecy. "…As a friend… and you are not going to hurt her family for something we did innocently… I don't think it was even serious." Said Shinji.

"Oh well in that case…Let's see… I can just deny your relationship as long as you two don't have anymore of these …displays of affection." stated a relieved Yui.

"Alright… I won't …" finished Shinji.

Gendo took this opportunity to chime in, "Well I don't care if you meant it or not you are still a sinner in God's view! After you finish school and detention I want you to come strait home so I can take you to midnight mass so you can repent! I don't want God to harm me for being a bad father!" stated Gendo.

"Yessir" said a mortified Shinji.

"Now that we have settled that.. you two better hurry up for school…Oh Shinji, you may invite anyone you want … except for any Germans." stated Yui flatly. She then mumbled, "I hate Germans…can't keep their hot little hands off my son…" as she continued looking up phone numbers for people she wanted to invite on vacation.

Shinji completely and utterly embarrassed quickly grabs his things and storms out of the house. Rei follows suit after grabbing a quick bagel to eat.

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Streets of the Suburb – (Shinji's hood yo!)

"Hey! WAIT UP!" shouted an angry Rei. Shinji still had NOT forgot about the stunt Rei had just pulled. So to punish her he began to speed up his walking pace. Rei knowing her brother decided to show him that she was the one who inherited their mother's inhuman speed. She caught up to him in within three seconds.

"How the he…Never mind I don't need to know." Said a very emotionally distraught Shinji. "I told you that you can never run away…"said Rei. "Thanks a lot for showing father that "Wonderful" picture!" said Shinji sarcastically. "Oh…that…well I figured they would find out anyway…and if I am going to be miserable at band camp, You are going to miserable in your love affairs." Rei said as she began to giggle. Rei had forgot she had given Shinji a very powerful card which he decided to use now. "Oh well then maybe I will just tell Kensuke that you want the take his soul and…" Rei stopped dead in her tracks. She looked as if she had gone ten rounds with a boxer. She turned pale and said, "Low blow…_Very_ low blow…" Shinji looked at her and said, "Now we understand each other…" Just then a man came out from the shadows of the alleyway next to them. Shinji gulped he didn't like the looks of this man. Rei then began to scream at the top of her lungs for her life.

The man looked at them and said, "Hi, I am Bob Dole! Do you know where Bob Dole can get some food. Bob dole is tired…" (HEY! Hold it! What the hell is politics doing in my FANFIC! Bob Dole get out of here! No one likes you anymore!) "No, Bob Dole needs attention…No one listens to Bob Dole anymore…"He begins to sing his theme song "I am a Dole man" (I don't care! Get out of my fanfic!) "Bob Dole thinks not…" (Do I have to call Asuka!) "Uh…Bob Dole would rather leave in one piece…" Bob Dole then leaves the fanfic via the alley way. (Sorry folks he has been bothering me for sometime now…I hate this Bob Dole…I had to fend him off with a stick but I left for some water and look at what happens…) (I continue ranting about Bob Dole while you the reader don't pay any attention…) (Well sorry about that… Well where were we before that interruption…oh yes Shinji had just black mailed Rei…Back to the REAL story)

Rei looked at her brother very suspiciously, "Are you going do THAT favor I asked of you…I kept my part of the bargain…I told Mom and Dad that you were helping Asuka understand the new world we live, when you got detention." 'That is THE lamest excuse I had ever heard but somehow it worked' thought Shinji. He then said, "I am a man of my word…even if I don't like it…" Rei smiled and replied, "Then I will leave you in the hands of Asuka…" Rei trailed off and took a side road.

Shinji called after her, "What do you mea…" just then something that felt like a bag of bricks hit the back of his head. Due to the impact he blacked-out and woke up a couple of seconds later laying on the ground seeing stars. Once he regained motor functions he turned his head to see Asuka standing to his right empting a large bag of bricks on to the sidewalk.

"A…Asuka? Is that you…?" he asked very timidly. "Yes! Dummkopf!" She screamed back at him. She began to kick him in the stomach. "Ouch … That hurts…stop it…" Shinji voice is cracking the whole time as Asuka continues to hit him. "What did I do…" He wished he didn't say that, he just remembered the photo. "What DID YOU DO! BAKA!" She began kicking him with renewed force. Shinji then had tear from the pain come out of his eye and roll down his face. At seeing his pain Asuka for some reason was unable to continue her assault. 'Why can't I bring myself to hit him any more?…It never used to bother me.' Asuka then had that feeling again but this time it was to help Shinji not kiss him. She couldn't help it, she offered him a hand up and helped him to a near by bench.

Shinji sat on the bench gasping for breath while blood was dripping from his nose. He was then able to gasp out, "Sorry…" Asuka smiled somehow this pathetic lump was making her feel emotions she had never had before. "You better be…Have you seen these!" She threw about twenty-five copies of the picture at Shinji. Shinji looked down and knew what they were but for his own protection decided to act dumb and say nothing. "I can't believe you didn't break his camera!" shouted the redhead at the pathetic boy sitting next to her. Shinji didn't think as usual, and decided to fight this futile battle. "What do you mean you are the one who choked him with the camera straps!" retorted Shinji. Once these words left his lips he thought for sure he was dead. He braced for impact but instead got a verbal thrashing.

"Well you are the one you use the camera like a mace!" shouted Asuka. "I told you destroy the film." Shinji winced at his stupidity he was too busy beating up Nagisa that he forgot what he was trying to stop. "Sorry" stated Shinji.

"back to your old comeback, eh?" said a smirking Asuka. Shinji looked at the photo's Asuka had thrown at him and notice they had blood on them but not his blood, _his_ nose had long stopped bleeding. He smiled and asked, "How did you get these photo's?" Asuka giggled, then said, "Well first my mom had a copy this morning…" She saw Shinji's face of puzzlement. "Don't want to get in to it" she said dangerously. Shinji nodded his head for fear of being beaten up again. "Anyway after I took this from my mom I walked to school and found a whole bunch of girls in a horde who had them so I …uh…um…confiscated them by forceful actions." She said slyly. Shinji could tell he wasn't the only one who had a nose bleed today at the hands of Asuka.

"Well…What do we do now?" asked Shinji. Asuka was torn between telling him how she really felt or find a way around what happened and continue to be friends. At this moment she didn't know what to do…so she changed the topic.

"Well…How was your time with Misato?" Asuka said evading the original question. Shinji didn't know what to say, He was afraid if he told the truth he would have to put up with the "Bag-o-Bricks" again. Then he began to imagine the torture he would go through if Asuka found out he had lied to him. He quaked in his shoes and then deiced to go with the truth because if he didn't, he wouldn't be around to testify at Asuka's trial.

"Well…uh…She and Rei…kinda…sorta bought those picture and…" Before he could finish Asuka face began to twitch and her hand began to curl into fists. Shinji being a coward when it came to Asuka hid behind his backpack and mumbled, "Sorry" Asuka then took a VERY deep breath and then turned to Shinji with a very fake smile and said, "That's why you owe Wondergirl a favor right?" Shinji thought about it and it was semi-true so he went with it. "Kinda…mostly because she smoothed things over with my mom about being in detention. So I owe her a very big favor which she will not let me forget." Asuka then got a sneer on her face. "What does she want?" she asked evilly.

Shinji grimaced, then said, "I don't…I mean… I can't tell you or Rei might do something very painful…" Asuka getting frustrated said, "If you don't there will be nothing left for her to angry at…" She raised her fist menacingly. Shinji gave in and said, "Do you promise not to tell her I told you?" Asuka nodded and Shinji continued, "She wants me to set her up with one of the stooges." Then Asuka said the rest along with him, "It is defiantly not her brother and not Toji, who is love with her best friend, she must be in love with…" Shinji trailed off but Asuka screamed it at the top of her lungs in disbelief, "KENSUKE!" Shinji nodded and Asuka was somewhere between laughing and vomiting.

"Why the hell would she like that NERD!" Asuka shouted.

Shinji whom was quite embarrassed at his friends antics just shook his head. "I really don't understand your kind." He reflected. Asuka the turned around and said, "Don't you dare classify me along with the likes of her. She isn't like me at all…" Shinji just nodded his head. Asuka then smiled and said, "Your right, you don't understand women do you?" Shinji thought for a moment and then said like a matter of fact, "No, I don't Asuka." Asuka begins to laugh uncontrollably and Shinji stares at her with puzzlement.

Asuka stops laughing because she had just made up her mind on a pre-discussed topic. She looked at him and said, "Looks like I am going to have to change that!" Shinji was extremely taken aback it took him a few seconds just to respond, let alone understand the meaning. "W…Wh…Wha…What!" he asked semi-frightened.

"You heard me Shinji! That picture has us already pegged why not go along with it and if doesn't work out so what at least we tried." stated a confident Asuka. When Shinji just sat there she decided to help him, "You can start by carrying my stuff" she said pointing to her things. Shinji didn't know what to think but he knew better than to cross Asuka. He went and got her things and walked up to her. She smiled and said as if talking to a dog, "Good Boy! Now take my hand." He did as he was told, not being able to think either due to his emotions but more likely due to the concussion he had received earlier, if neither had stopped him from protesting this treatment, he would be long dead. They then both walked hand-in-hand toward the school building.

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A/N: Awwww! Ain't that cute… I thought I would end this chapter on a WAFF. This took me a while and is my first attempt at writing a Fan Fiction. I finished this chapter on January 23 2006 but I don't want death threats for updating so slow…therefore I decided to wait until I have few chapters done. I know that the last third of the story isn't as funny as the beginning but don't worry, that was there for a plot…If you want to call it that. Also I know many if not all of my characters are OOC but remember ALL of Evangelion including the movies were just a dream sent to Shinji. This is the real world and his dream was to show him that being spineless gets people nowhere. Don't worry though, I will get back to the wonderful power of randomness in the next chapter…Till then review and relax…

_A/O/N: Also I would like to formally apologize to all those I may have offended… especially you, Bob Dole…_

A/O/O/N: So in this chapter Asuka and Shinji were caught kissing and Rei wants Kensuke while Gendo was off being…well…a by-product of the sixties. Also Asuka knows Rei's secret…How will this spice things up? And the family minus Rei are going on vacation. How will this turn out? And Rei at band camp…can't you just wait? What will happen? How will Shinji react? Will Gendo ever find the right potato chip? I know but I am going to be mean and not tell you. So Until chapter 2 …uh…Can you solve world hunger for me? It has really been bugging me…

Ich werde Sie später sehen!


	2. Devil and the deal for the rising son

Shinji wake up! – Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Same as first, I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion, but just so you know if asked by those who own any of the copyrighted material, I will voluntarily remove it from the story/internet.

Also

Special Thanks to L33t N1nj4 Boris for the proofreading, editing and help filling me in on some of my mistakes.

Thanks to everyone (L33t N1nj4 Boris ) who let me bounce ideas off them. (I know it hurt but over time your wounds shall heal… I hope) (And no, I will NOT pay for you medical bill.)

Thank you for all the reviews I hope I will have…Since I am writing this before posting I don't really know if I got any…If I don't well…You just won't get a "holiday" card from me, so there…

Editorial Marks….

"" is when spoken aloud (sometimes used to offset something)

'' is thoughts

() help from me, the author to clarify something or to make a witty comment.

A/N: So I had a change of heart… I will tell you the answers to the mysterious questions posed in the last chapter……………………………………………….

Eventually…Mwhahahahahahahahaha!

A/O/N: Just so you know I dislike Kaworu Nagisa (Tabris) so within **MY** fan fiction he will be lucky to escape the wrath of my pen…Mwhahahahahaha!

**Chapter 2 – The Devil and the deal for the rising son … (Run Boy! Run!)**

Read On

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School yard –

Kaworu Nagisa stood with his back to a wall with the sun shining on his face. He wore a smirk of triumph on his face. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a large sum of cash. He then raised it to his face and began to fan himself with the money. Then he begins laughing to himself.

"I never thought that a picture of those two would make me this much!" he said aloud to the heavens.

Just then as he was thinking of all the things his new found wealth could get him, a shadow had fallen upon him. Without looking to see who it was, he just said his sale pitch. Okay I know you want the picture… it will be $12.95 and if you want it gift wrapped it will be an extra $1.50." he paused hearing no response. "Well okay… You know it makes a great gift for everyone to laugh at so… lets say I give it to you for… uh… $9.59 if you tell all your friends about it." Still no answer from his client. Kaworu was starting become agitated by the gall of whoever was trying to buy the photo. This was the best price he would offer so he decided to finally open his eyes and scare the money out of whoever was trying to get this VERY popular photo.

When he opened his eyes he wished he hadn't. There standing in front of him was Asuka with the smirk of the devil on her face. And standing two paces behind her was Shinji, who for the first time in his life, had a pure look of evil upon the normally mellow boys face.

"Oh, we don't need a photo… We just came to "Thank You"." said a disgruntled Asuka. Kaworu didn't know what to do, so he decided to act like a rabbit hiding form a predator. That was to stand very still and hope Asuka will think he disappeared. But unfortunately for him, Asuka had a little more brains than to fall for that…again. "Shinji, would you mind helping out a distressed little girl" said Asuka in a seductive voice. Shinji then smiled and pulled out a baseball bat from out of thin air. (Yes…Shinji is now a magician! No, not really I don't know where the hell he could get a baseball bat on the way to school… uh…You figure it out.) Shinji then handed the bat to Asuka who then began to slowly approach Kaworu.

Kaworu realized his rabbit technique was not working so he decided to use the law for his side. "Uh…Asuka, if you hit me with that bat…" He gulped seeing he shear look of pleasure on Asuka's face from his squirming. "You…could go to jail for Assault and Battery…" Seeing that Asuka didn't care he decide to plead to Shinji. "Uh and Shinji, My best friend… you could go for up to five years for helping in this…"

Shinji had not thought about that. He began to sweat thinking of what prison would be like. So he then spoke up, "Asuka uh…maybe this wasn't the best idea…"

Asuka began to laugh hysterically for a moment. The said to Shinji, "You know that was not the purpose of the bat…" She then pointed the bat at Kaworu at which time he fainted. Upon closer inspection it had become obvious he had soiled himself. "I just wanted him to see what is like to go through a day of humiliation… Even though I would really like to…" She began to raise the bat over her head.

Shinji cut her off, "That's okay Asuka… let's just leave and try to sort this out later… Our friends are bound to be worrying and/or gossiping about us." He then grabbed the bat from her hands.

Asuka turned around with what looked to be disappointment for not being able to exact her ideal of an "appropriate" revenge. She then looked at Shinji who seamed to quaking with fear from her and she got and evil thought. 'Well maybe having him for a boyfriend will be more entertaining than I thought…I get to completely torture him in front of his friends…' She then smiled which made Shinji VERY uncomfortable and took his hand again. "Well time to make our grand appearance, eh?"

Shinji gulped, and nodded his head. He then worked up the courage to say what he wanted to say, "You know we don't have to go through with this…"

"I know but I don't think I have much of a choice… besides I want to see the look on Kensuke's face when I tell him I am stealing your soul…" said Asuka with a grin.

"Uh…" before Shinji could finish his thought Asuka had put a finger to his lips. Then winked and began the task of dragging a somewhat flaccid Shinji to the front of the school for her main entrance.

About Fifteen minutes later Kaworu began to stir. He was looking around trying to figure out where he was. He then began to remember what had taken place. He quickly began to gingerly run his finger down his face and arms trying to find any broken bones left by Asuka. But to his surprise there wasn't even a bruise from the bat. 'I bet the loser, Shinji, stopped her…' But just then his finger felt something cool on the front of his pants. He slowly looked down to find the damage his frightened bladder had done. He let out a muffled scream trying not to draw any attention to himself. "This is all Shinji's fault and that minion of his… I'll get him back… worse than last time…I swear it…"

Kaworu then began the trip back home for a new set of trousers. His luck today wasn't going to change apparently. There was a news reporter giving a report on the rising of students "skipping school" just outside the institute. Upon seeing him, the cameraman quickly got a shot of him slinking back to his home. Asuka's revenge had gone better than she could have hoped. Kaworu would have eternal embarrassment and upon the school seeing this, and a detention to boot.

Later when Kaworu learned of this insult to injury, he would vow to make Asuka and Shinji's life a living hell from now on…

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A/N: I think I will add commentary now just to add to the suspense… So what was Kaworu's last offense against Shinji? What is his plan now? How many people will see him on Television? Read to find out… After MORE of "GENDO'S INDECISIONS!"

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Grocery Store -

Gendo stood there in front of the snack isle again. This time it would be different. This time he would find the correct potato chips. So he took a deep breath and began his unnerving trip into the isle of greasy potato chips. After about a minute he found a bag of plain chips. He was about to throw them aside when he saw the chip dip sitting above shelf. Grinning he said aloud to the bag of plain chips, "I have found a use for you."

Quickly grabbing the chip dip he literally runs to the front counter to pay for his new found combo. "Welcome to S.A.S Gas Mart where everything can really fill you up..." said a young teenager at the counter with a lack of enthusiasm. "How may I help you."

Gendo just stands there with his hands wrapped the around the chips and the dip. The boy begins to reach to take the potato chips but Gendo then growls at him. The teen quickly pulled his hands away from the crazed man. "Ssssssir… I just need the bag so I can charge you…"

Gendo then coughs and then laughs, "How do I know you're not just trying to steal them?" Upon this the boy just gives him a weak nod. "Okay…But I warn you, it is against the commandments, Thou shalt not steal…"

The boy weakly takes the chips and dip scans them and then quickly gives them back to Gendo. "Ummmm…You total will be $9.86… Cash or Credit?"

'Darn! I knew he was the devil with one of those new fangled choices of payment…' thought Gendo. His eye begins to twitch and he says slowly, "I must consult the committee" The boy just blankly stares at Gendo.

Then Gendo pulls out his cellular phone and dials a number.

"Hello! Super Psychic Friends hotline you will be charged $7.95 a minute while talking to Miss. C. Urmonnygo. Do you accept?" was the reply from the other end of the line.

"Hell yes!" was Gendo very boisterous reply.

After thirty seconds of waiting and waiting a voice picked up on the other end. "Hello, My lost sheep how my I help you?"

"What do the Dead Sea scrolls say about Gendo Ikari buying potato chips in a mini-mart…And what type of payment dose he use?"

There is what seams to be a snicker on the other end of the phone but then a cough and the voice replies, "How do you spell that?"

Gendo getting frustrated shouts into the phone, "G-E-N-D-O I-K-A-R-I"

After ten minutes of stupid questions and Gendo becoming more and more red with anger the voice replied, "Well you should use your credit card as debit card then do the hokey-pokey to please the sprits and appease the Dead Sea scrolls."

Gendo quickly hung up and looked at the boy and related what the voice said. After paying for it Gendo began to do the hokey pokey. He found that he rather quite enjoyed the dance but didn't show it. The boy behind the counter begins to smile and snicker at this mans antics. Afterwards Gendo was about to leave when the boy said, "do you want a bag for that?"

Gendo gave him and evil glare and said, "Fine! Hurry up though boy!"

The boy then looked at him and said, "Paper or plastic?"

Gendo screamed, let out a few choice words and whipped out his cell phone again. This time the Boy fell behind the counter with laughter while Gendo furiously dialed a number.

A/N: Will Gendo ever get to eat his potato chips? What will Yui say when she sees Gendo's phone bill? Will it be Paper or plastic? Find out next time in … "Gendo's INDECISIONS"

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So…Where are we again…No really I am lost…Do any of you have a map? Oh Thanks Boris…Oh yes we are at Ramiel Institute of Education ….

Asuka and was standing in front of Shinji explaining the "rules" before they went into the school. "Okay baka! Now here are some of the ground rules. No touching me unless otherwise directed… No embarrassing me in-front of Hikari…" The rules continued on and on and Shinji was in no mood to listen so he caught a word here and there such as "No" or "Pervert" mixed in. Asuka then finished, "If I hear that you were talking about me in ANY inappropriate ways, I will KILL YOU!"

"Okay Asuka whatever you say…" replied Shinji in a monotone voice.

"Did you just give me a tone? You should feel lucky to be going out with an angel!" She said.

"More like a "fallen" angel" whispered Shinji.

"What did you say?" She began to wallop Shinji with her purse until he began to frequently apologize.

"Sorry…Sorry…Sorry…" were the only words coming out of his mouth even after the assault. Asuka laughed then smiled at this boy's pathetic form. 'At least he is back to normal…I think I like him better this way…' "Good! That what I thought you said!"

Shinji then got up from the fetal position he had taken and turned toward Asuka. "I guess this is it…"Shinji solemnly stated. He then took Asuka's arm and reached out for the door. Just as he was about to open it, he saw something out of the corner of his eye. It was Asuka with a triumphant smirk on her face. 'I knew she had to get some sort of sadistic pleasure out of watching me squirm.' He just shook his head and took the door knob and opened the door to the building.

When the doors opened you could hear a pin drop. A quick scan around and Shinji had learned the extent of Kaworu's "Business." The over in a gaggle was a group jocks staring at the square shaped paper as were, the Goths, Cheerleaders, Nerds, Losers, Geeks, Teachers, The child stuffed in the locker and even to his astonishment… The Vikings even had a copy! 'How could this get any worse' he told himself.

As this is the worst thought ANYONE can ever have, because when this is thought the enviable happens.

Seeing Shinji squirm under her arm, Asuka decided to add to his discomfort. She then put on a big fake smile and put her head on his shoulder. "Shinji, I can't see why it took you so long…" she said in a loud enough voice so everyone could hear. Shinji turned scarlet and felt very faint. Asuka couldn't help but laugh. For some reason making him feel uncomfortable made her feel better about the situation. 'That teaches him about the dynamics of THIS relationship.' She thought.

At this remark the halls began to ring with wild rumors as everyone got back to their normal routine. But just as they made their way towards English class, Hikari stepped in front of them. "How could you?" She stated pointing a finger at Asuka. Taken aback Asuka fumbled for words while the class rep continued. "Have you seen these!" she said pulling four of the photos. "You two are living in sin…"

At this Asuka got her wit back. "So how did you get your hands on those?" retorted the German.

Hikari blushed and mumbled, "I thought it was romantic…" Shinji at this point begins to go completely past red, to a complexion of a politician… pale and clammy. "We need to talk!" restated the Rep. She grabbed Asuka and dragged her off to wherever girls talk about stuff. (I am guy, so that is a place of mystery…)

At this Shinji was completely relived to be away from Asuka. She had been acting strange lately but that could be due to the concussion he had received earlier. He looked at the clock and saw he was a half an hour early for class but he didn't mind. 'This will give me time to plan for that vacation thing dad wants to go on.' But just as he began for the door to the class he felt someone's hand come from behind him and a mysterious vapor coming from it. The vapor began to make him sleepy and the last memory he had was. 'Oh boy! Mom is gonna have to buy me out of this…again!'

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Somewhere in the bowels of Ramiel Institute of Education…

Shinji had awoken in a dark room with a light hanging in the center. His hands were stiff so he began to move them but they wouldn't budge. As the grogginess lifted he found himself tied to a medal chair.

In the corner of the room, sat a tall Ninja. Shinji began to feel extremely nervous and scared. Just then he began to hear chanting in the background. "Devil, Devil hear my plea! Let this boy free!" came a squeaky high pitched voice. From out of the shadows came a short figure dressed in the robes of a monk.

The Ninja began to join in the chant as the figures began to move around Shinji in a circle. At the end of their chant they both knelt and began to throw salt at Shinji.

Shinji was now beginning to believe that he wasn't going to get through this. But then he noticed something. The Ninja was wearing all black except his shoes. These shoes were Nerv-mart brand basketball shoes. There was only self-respecting Jock in the school who could only afford those cheap shoes.

"Toji! What the hell are you doing!" screamed Shinji.

"Awwwwww! How did you know?" Said the Ninja taking off his mask revealing Toji's dumbfounded face.

At this the monk scoffed and pulled down the hood of the robe to reveal Kensuke. "You weren't supposed to tell him you dumb oaf! Baka! Now I won't be able to remove the demonic aura that the red devil has placed upon him!" said the "monk".

Shinji was completely outraged at his friends and his newfound anger kicked in. "What in god's green earth were you doing!" Shinji shouted. Then he remembered how he was brought here. "How did you know that you wouldn't kill me with that vapor? Toji, you can't even tie your shoe!"

"Hey how did you know? I only told Hi…"said Toji before he could stop himself.

"Don't worry I gave him the same stuff used on the mermaids when they had that revolt near Moscow." said a confidant Kensuke.

"What! IF there are mermaids how the hell do they get to Moscow? It is a landlocked city!" screamed Shinji.

"Good point." agreed Toji.

"That is what THEY want you to think! But there really is a secret village of mermaids below the city and once a year they come up to find a male human and…"started Kensuke.

"Get out of your FANTASIES! You probably read that on the internet! That vapor could of killed me!" stated and irate Shinji.

Kensuke seemed to be hurt by the comment but had a retort. "My fantasies! How about YOUR fantasies?" He proceeds to take out the photo. "She is taking your soul and you don't even know it! I am trying to help you!"

"She is not taking my soul!" retorted Shinji. "What I do in my spare time has nothing to do with you!"

"Oh no! He is in stage three!" screamed Kensuke. "Next is stage four where…" He gulps loudly. "she proceeds to take his soul. Toji get the item from the closet…" says the panicked geek.

Toji's eyes narrow then he nods. Then begins to head to where the monk had entered. "Got it!" he shouts. He then reenters the room hold a vacuum cleaner covered in tin foil. He then hands it the Kensuke.

"Sorry buddy this may hurt…" said Kensuke as he flips the switch on the device. He then slowly proceeds to approach his victim. "Toji, Open his mouth…Wide!"

At this Shinji desperately tries to find a way out of this. Then he remembered Asuka's tactic of handling the duo. That was to threaten them. "Hey Toji, wait until I tell Hikari about this…" This stopped Toji in his tracks. Shinji then turned to Kensuke, "If you think Asuka is bad now, wait until she hears about this." Kensuke stopped for a moment.

"Well this is for your own good! Quickly Toji, open his mouth." Screamed Kensuke.

"I don't know anymore… If Hikari finds out you know…" stated a blushing jock.

Kensuke just rolled his eyes and coldly said, "Looks like I have to do this on my own." He then continued toward Shinji.

"Well after this I guess Asuka and Rei will…" Started Shinji but was interrupted by the sound of the device being switched off.

"You wouldn't dare bringing…that…that…Alien sister into this would you?"

"Oh yes…I have heard her say that she wanted to experiment on you…"

"What!" Said a _very _distraught Kensuke. "You wouldn't let her do that would you!"

"Well I could help you if you let me out of this chair."

Toji & Kensuke at this jump to Shinji's aid while and Shinji just nods. Once he is free they both fall to their knees in front of him. Toji begins his begging first, "You won't tell Hikari will you? Because that would ruin our friendship…I mean my lunches from her."

Kensuke then continues his plea through whimpers, "Please save me from you sister! Please!"

Shinji begins to smile. 'I see why Asuka enjoys this so much.' "Well if you two promise **_NEVER_** to do _this_ ever again, I will do what I can." He said chuckling to himself.

"We promise!" They screamed in sync.

"Well for you, Toji, the problem is easily solved…I won't tell your girlfriend." Toji gave a cold stare but didn't dare say anything yet. "Fine… your lunch maker." Toji appearance brightened significantly. "As for you…" He turned toward the groveling nerd. "My family is going on vacation so if you come with us, she won't be so inclined to experiment on you…"

"Done" shouted the boys on the floor. The Toji turns to Shinji and asks, "Hey can I come too? It sounds like fun and I won't have to practice for the upcoming baseball season."

Shinji similes and nods. Then he says, "How the hell do we get out of here?"

The two boys get off the ground and lead him back to the classroom.

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Meanwhile At "The Super Secret Hallway of Girls Ultimate Secrets"™ (I still have no clue where this is…)

Hikari lead Asuka to a table where they could talk. "When did this happen?" said a shocked and semi-hurt Hikari.

Asuka began to blush but decided to be truthful with her friend. "Only yesterday during detention. I don't know what came over me. We were just friends then I just lost it." Asuka mumbled. "Then I did that." she pointed to the picture in Hikari's hand. 'And I liked it' she shivers at the thought.

"Well, do really feel like that." asked the class rep. as she looked at the picture again.

Asuka began to blush at this remark but had turned away so her friend wouldn't notice. "Well it is hard to say…" Realizing she was giving too much away Asuka reverted back to the old one we all know and love… (At least I do.) "But hey at least I didn't go as far as you and Toji do…" she said as an evil smirk crossed her face.

Hikari turned bright red at this remark. "It's not like that. I mean we never… I would never allow…I just make him lunch." said the discombobulated class rep.

"Right…" said Asuka. "So when is the baby coming…Oh can I be the godmother?" She then said to the already distraught Hikari with a grin.

"How dare you even say anything like that! That would never happen…" She said as she stood up to leave.

"Calm down I was just joking. Geez! Sometimes I think you're worse than Shinji!" stated the redhead.

Hikari then sat with a strange look in her eye. Worriedly she queried Asuka, "Is that what the student body thinks?"

Taken aback by her friend's seriousness Asuka just shook her head. "No, only certain people who know you and Toji very well know what's going on. I don't even know if Kensuke has even realized it yet. The Dummkopf"

"Good…" mumbled the other girl. She the nervously chuckled, "Yeah I bet if Kensuke ever figured it out on his own, it would be 45 years from now…"

But as they finished their talk they heard the slam of a glass on a near by table and soft sobs of someone.

The two girls turned to see Rei sitting with her head in her arms laying on the table sobbing. "What is her problem?" asked Hikari

"Oh, boy trouble." murmured Asuka. "Who?" came Hikari's reply. "Oh, the last of the three stooges."

At this remark Rei head shot-up and turned to them hearing their conversation. "How did you find out?" She seethed. Hikari was taken aback from the girls comment. For her red eyes seemed to glow with the passion to kill. Asuka was prepared, "Oh I have my ways of make your baka brother talk…" she smirked. "I knew I couldn't trust him" said Rei. "But, I should have known he couldn't keep his mouth shut around you from the looks of this picture." said an angry Rei.

Asuka just stood for a moment with her mouth agape. Then retorted, "Well at least I don't fawn over a messed up little boy like Kensuke."

"Oh and like my brother is any better." stated the blue haired girl.

"Alright you bitch! I don't care if you are Shinji's sister you're going down!" screamed Asuka as she lunged at Rei. "Bring it!" screamed back Rei. Just then Hikari stepped between them, stopping the ensuing fight. "Stop it!" she screamed. "You two should act more civilized!"

"Wondergirl started it!"

"You attacked me!"

"Enough already! Let's just calm down." stated the only sane girl at the table (Hikari obviously)

"Alright Rei what is your problem? Maybe we…"seeing Asuka eyes she changed her mind. "Well mostly I can help." stated a calm class rep.

"Really?" Rei asked almost inaudibility.

"Of course we would. We have to stick together now that we all, well…Let just say have dealings with the three stooges." answered a confident Hikari.

"Yeah, I guess your right…" said a now noticeably less hyper Asuka.

'Seems like her pills just kicked in' thought Rei and Hikari almost instantaneously.

"Well, I keep sending signals to Kensuke but…He just doesn't seem to get them." Rei blushed at her forth coming.

"You know those stooges. It takes a sledge hammer just to teach them to breathe. Look what I had to do to get Shinji's attention." said the now "relaxed" Asuka. "What do you think I should do to get his attention? I have done everything but hit him with a pile of bricks." Rei stated. At this comment Asuka turns red but the other girls don't notice. "Well you can just tell him." suggested Hikari. "No, I am not that kind of girl…" replied Rei.

After a few moments Asuka came up with an idea. "You forget we have two very powerful weapons, Rei" Asuka gains an evil grin after saying it. "And that would be?" said a sarcastic Hikari. "Toji and Shinji of course." retorted the very manipulative Asuka. She was met with blank stares. "Isn't it _obvious_? I have Shinji in the palm of my hand." Rei cuts into Asuka's thought, "So?"

"Let me finish! And Hikari has Toji in hers." But this was met with objections form Hikari before the looks on the other girls' faces silenced her. "All we have to do is get Toji and Shinji to set you up on a date…"

"I already tried that with Shinji but all it got me was two other people finding out about my secret." solemnly add Rei.

"Yes, but there are some things I can offer him that his sister can not." Asuka winked with this comment. Rei raises and eyebrow and Asuka continues, "That is only for me and Shinji to know."

"Just as long as I don't become an Aunt I don't want to know…" Rei stated. Asuka evilly smiles. Hikari gasps, "Asuka you don't really mean to…"

"Mien Gott! You really thought _I_ of all people would do that! I'm hurt!" Asuka says in a mock shocked voice. "I am not _THAT_ type of girl. I was just thinking of all the other possibilities left open in the clause."

Rei begins to chuckle. "Keep your mind out of the gutter Wondergirl!" said a threatening Asuka

"Anyway Hikari, Your going to have to get Toji to help or else I am afraid it might not work."

"I...I…don't know." Then the thought of her cooking popped into her mind. "Oh well as they say, "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach"."(Just so you know that is 95.9 of the time true…for me at least.) She begins to giggle. The other two just stare at her quizzically then shake their heads and continue.

"Well if you think it will help…" Rei started

"Of course it will and as long as it dose…I'll get more time with your brother!"

"Hey! I don't need to hear this…" Rei begins to feel nauseous. 'I can't believe I made a deal with the devil for my brother…oh well if gets me that stud, I'll do anything.'

"Do we have ourselves a deal?" Asuka stuck out her hand. Hikari nods and places her hand in the center of the table with Asuka's. Letting out a sigh, Rei nods feeling sick about what she is getting her brother into. Then she finally puts her hand in.

"Good! Well we better head off to class, it is getting late" stated Hikari. They all nodded and headed to English class.

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A/N: Well a short chapter but a good one anyway. To tell you the truth this was supposed to be a lot longer but I got impatient. I decided that I would rather get these two chapters posted to get your reviews and input. Also just so you know there has been a change on plans, I will not post these every week because I have a killer schedule at school so it may take awhile for the next installment. I promise the questions that have arisen in the plot will be answered…Eventually. Also I would appreciate any advice you could offer. Please make it constructive, otherwise I will just ignore it. But I have a pretty good idea where my plot will be going for the next few chapters. Just so you know, nothing more the making lunches have been going on between Hikari and Toji…Sorry for any confusion. Until chapter 3, can you solve this global warming problem? It's getting me hot under the collar…

A/O/N: You will earn my "respect" if you can guess where I got the inspiration for this chapter's title…Until then read and review!

Ich werde Sie später sehen!


	3. “Repenting Made Simple

Shinji wake up! – Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Same as first, I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion, but just so you know if asked by those who own any of the copyrighted material, I will voluntarily remove it from the story/internet. I don't own Nintendo or Fire Emblem. Oh yeah, Boris you are in here so…I do own him either.(nor did I have permission form all mentioned persons in this Fanfic so I am sorry to you all.)

Also

Special Thanks to L33t N1nj4 Boris for the proofreading, editing and help filling me in on some of my mistakes.

Thanks to everyone (L33t N1nj4 Boris) who let me bounce ideas off them. (I know it hurt but over time your wounds shall heal… I hope) (And no, I will NOT pay for you medical bill.)** _(Boris: but that cost me my old '98 comp! poor thing…)_**

Also thanks a lot for the reviews… I think I shall reply to some of them now

To L33t N1nj4 Boris – You're my editor so you really don't NEED to review my twice in one day… Especially, While I am instant messaging you…But thanks for the support anyways…

To Draknal – Thanks very much for your support and probably have gotten back to you by now. I am very glad you like this "little" fic, I got going. Also Thanks for becoming my newest pre-reader

To Andrew – Uh…No, It is not German, it is English grammar jargon. Gerunds are part of American English…They are what I said they are. Gerunds are verbs that take the place of nouns in a sentence usually ending in "–ing." Example, "_Skiing_ is fun." _Skiing_ is a verb acting as a noun…got it? When I wrote this I had a test on them in my English class and since they were in an English class it seemed appropriate. **_(Boris: and boring…)_**

To guest111 – I would like to welcome you to the wonderful world of which is Evangelion and Fan fiction! But I suggest you watch the anime to really appreciate it…but Asuka's name is pronounced - ahh-skuh **_(Boris' E-Z pronunciation)_**

New edit mark

This is where L33t is translated

**_(This is were my editor wrote comments)_**(I tried my best to remove all unnecessary ones)

Chapter 3- **Orlando Cal…No wait, "Repenting Made Simple, made for real people!"**

Well on with the show, eh?** _(Boris: at your own risk people…)_**

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English Classroom -

A terrible noise could be heard from the ceiling of the room as the panel broke out. Luckily for the stooges no one was in the room at the time. Shinji followed by Toji and Kensuke, came out of the roof like a cheap knock off a famous Tom Cruse movie. (Bet you can't guess which one I am taking about…If you can't…Geez have you been living in cave for like the last 8 years?) Toji hastily replaced the ceiling tile while Shinji and Kensuke quickly took their seats. Just then Shinji's cell phone began to ring. Reaching into his backpack, Shinji extracted the sleek phone from its holder and answered it.

"Hello?" was Shinji's plain reply. (Now I know that since they are immigrants that it would be most likely he would talk in Japanese. BUT I have two main reasons why he will not be, They are… #1. I have no clue how to speak Japanese and I am not going to a translator because I am to lazy. #2. I want EVERYONE in the room to understand what he is saying for plot devices later. So don't ask me about it okay!)

"Hey, Shinji! I am just calling to tell you that Gendo allowed me to pick where we are going." said an ecstatic Yui.

At this moment unbeknownst to Shinji the rest of the room began to file in, including Asuka.

"So where are we going?" ask Shinji rather curtly.

"Awwww, why do have to be like that? Anyway since I found out that the best way save money is if we were all going to the same place. So, Since Rei's band camp is in Orlando, Florida. That were we will be going!" said Yui.

"Orlando, near Rei's band camp? Oh okay." said a parroting Shinji. Asuka ears begin to twitch when she hears of the sunny refuge from this hell hole they call New York. "When?" Shinji questioned next.

"Oh I found this cute little airline that was really cheap. If we go tomorrow..."

"WHAT! Tomorrow! Are you sure?" At this, even Rei began to listen in on the conversation as dose the rest of the class.

"Yeah but only if we can get enough people to go along with us. So I need you to invite five people to come along with us."

"Okay…Well I already got Toji and Kensuke to come along so that means I still need to invite three people…" Just as Shinji finished this sentence the whole class rushed over to his desk. Silently putting on their puppy dog faces. Rei began to smile when she heard that she was going to be on a plane with Kensuke. She was already beginning to plan some of her schemes.

"Good! That means you still need to get three more… Just no GERMANS!"

Shinji's ear drum almost burst from the magnitude this last word had been uttered through the phone. "Okay Mom, Don't worry…" 'I hope she doesn't find out…' His face began to blush at the thought.

"Wonderful! I am off to the mall to pick up some clothes for us! So can you tell Rei to have a good day?" was Yui's response.

"Yeah, sure. Good-bye" Shinji replied.

"Bu-bye" Yui said before hanging up.

Once He hung-up the phone, all hell broke loose. The din from most of the student body (with the exception of Toji, Kensuke and Rei) to get Shinji's attention was prosperous. Rei began to smile at how utterly confused her brother was from all of the people trying to earn one of the three tickets to go to Florida. 'Should I help him?…Nah!' was her last though before going back to her plans for Kensuke.

"Hey Shinji, Look what I can do!" said a boy to his left. He began to juggle some crumpled balls of paper. Then the guy next to him chimed in, "Hey I can do better than that!" So he grabbed a chair and began to balance it on his chin. Then it was the Viking's turn. "Oi! That's nothing!" He picked up his battle axe and slammed it through a desk, chopping it in two. "Now imagine if I don't come" he smirked.

Shinji just shivered thinking about what Fimbulhrim the Viking could do. But soon other people began doing more and more ludicrous things just to go on vacation. He heard offers like, "I can make your lunch!" or "I will marry you!" and things like "I'll give you $150!" It was too much for him and the mob just became angrier with each passing moment of indecision from Shinji's part. Shinji just slouched in his chair unable to think coherently to chase off the crowd. 'It is just too loud…' he thought.

"MOVE! I AM HIS GIRLFRIEND!" shouted Asuka over the din. At this remark the whole entire room fell silent and turned to look at the angry German. They then turned back to Shinji for confirmation of this. Shinji just nodded and an audible gasp could be heard. Then a lot sighs from the females in the class. 'I guess having her for a girlfriend is good for some things' thought Shinji.

After her remark Asuka pushed her way through the crowd to where Shinji sat. "Now all of you buzz off I need some time to talk to the baka!" she seethed. The rest off the class including the Vikings were afraid of Asuka in this mood so the slinked quietly back to their seats. She bent over and whispered in his ear, "We will talk about THIS later!" as the teacher was walking in.

Asuka then quickly stood and walked over and took her seat. Leaving Shinji with a _very_ bad feeling.

Upon entering the room the teacher walked over to her desk and smirked at Asuka and Shinji before going into her lesson.

"Alright Class! Today we will learn about Direct Objects…No wait I forgot most of you couldn't figure out what an apple was if hit you on the head. So let's go over what a noun is…" She was cut short by the ding of the intercom system. "Attention, all students! An emergency assembly for all classes is going to held in ten minutes, please report to the Auditorium for an announcement from the Headmaster…" The lazy voice said.

The teacher just sighed and said, "Hikari, take the class to the Auditorium…. Now, I need a drink."

"Yes, sensei!" she replied

"Ugh, don't call me that!"

Just for spite for the comment made to the class Hikari replied, "Yes, sensei!" and quickly left the room with the rest of the class following behind her.

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Hallway-

Shinji and the stooges were walking together toward the auditorium as were Asuka and Hikari.

"Oh, I hope there is invasion or something!" said Kensuke. "As if! You know the headmaster he holds one of these "emergency" meetings once a week. They usually turn out to be about how the school reputation has been tarnished or how obesity has plaguing our school." said Toji.

"Well we all KNOW that obesity doesn't exist! All it is, Is a cover-up for aliens injecting their larva into certain people to grow…" was Kensuke response

"Enough!" said a red faced Shinji.

"What is up with you? You normally never speak up …" said a concerned Toji.

"I tired of being spineless. I now know it will bring nothing but pain…" said a slightly embarrassed Shinji. "Well you don't have to bite my head off" said Kensuke. "All I am doing is saying the truth…"

Shinji just scowled. Then it seemed as if the rest of the world just stopped. The voice was back. "You're being a jerk…" it said. 'Well this is what you want right' thought a sarcastic Shinji. The voice began to giggle. "Uh…No, not exactly. I want you to have a spine and stand up for yourself but not at the expense of your friends. You are supposed to use the spiritual enlightenment for good…Not to become a pompous, egotistical, jerk!" said the voice in an amused tone. 'Well, then tell me when I should stand up for myself?'

"I think you know when…"said the angelic voice.

'Really?' thought a sarcastic Shinji. "Yes you do…Will you stop being such a jerk!" said the now angered Voice. 'Fine, I am sorry I just have a lot of things on my mind and all…' Shinji remarked somberly. "That is no excuse! You must have a backbone and be more self-respecting but to a point. We don't need another Donald Trump…" said the now somewhat monotone voice. 'Yeah, I guess I don't want money, fame and power…' the boy aid in a witty tone. "That's NOT what I meant! Geez…Maybe they are right, you're hopeless…"

'Hey what did you just say?' "Nothing for you to be concerned about. So do I have to give you another vision on why you shouldn't be pompous?" 'No, I am sorry, Maybe after I get this straightened out with Asuka I won't be such a jerk.' "Well I hope for your sake and mine…Oh yeah…" The voice then proceeds to cough.

"You must go to the chapel and repent for your sins or else face the eternal pit of Damnation!" came the voice in a creepy deep pitched tone. Shinji who was completely frightened by the change in demeanor quick began to utter apologies. 'I will…Sorry…I will'

The voice began to laugh and then said to the now shocked and confused chilled, "No, I really didn't mean it. The big man doesn't really care, Actually he thinks it is pretty funny how you lilium believe he cares about every little minor sin you do. He puts some of them on tape…." Realizing he has said too much the voice quickly recovers. "Well anyway I'll see you later at the cathedral. Okay?"

'Yeah, sure" said the stuttering Shinji. "Good! Back to real time!" said the fading voice. Then world began to move again while Shinji was lost in thought about what had just taken place.

"Well this is it, you ready to hear the new rant of the Headmaster?" asked Hikari.

Obviously stirred from thought Shinji nodded his head and followed Asuka and the rest of the gang into the auditorium.

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In the Auditorium –

The room was extremely large. The ceiling was made of clear glass which allowed the sky to be seen and the walls were covered in red velvet. However Shinji nor did anyone else care. The classes had become so accustomed to what many other people would stand in awe of. So he chose a row and began to walk down it to take a seat.

'Good ol' number 13' he thought looking down at the chair he had chosen to sit in. He had always sat here because the number always seemed fitting to him in someway. Just then a loud voice could be heard over the crowd.

"Shinji get yer arse over here!" Asuka screamed. She smirked at his confusion. Then point to the seat next to her and then to him. "There. Now!"

Not wanting to upset Asuka, Shinji quick got out of seat number thirteen. Then hastily headed off toward his new found girlfriend. Just as he was almost there Toji voice could be heard over the crowd. "God, He is SO henpecked…I would never let that happen to me!"

"I have seen you under Hikari's spell! You were doing everything that she asked." came Kensuke's reply. Shinji caught a glance of Hikari's face turning beet red before hearing Toji's response, "I…I never was henpecked!" "No, you were under the spell, I saw you staring at her…" The soon to be dead nerd was cut off. Soon the noises of some one choking, punches and kicks could be heard from where Toji and Kensuke were sitting. Shinji could only imagine the damage done.

"So…Orlando eh? How convenient." came a seductive whisper in Shinji's ear. This completely took his mind off of the wrath of Toji. He turned to see Asuka leaning toward him with a strange glint in her eye. Not knowing what to say to her, He just nervously stared at her. But after a couple of seconds, Asuka's gentle and "cute" facial features changed. They soon took on the form he dreaded. The wrath of Asuka was upon him, and being this close he could not put up his defenses in time. "Not in THAT way you HENTAI! BAKA HENTAI" she screamed as her kicks found their marks on Shinji's shins.

"Ow! I wasn't thinking like that, you know me better." came Shinji's whimper. "Well, you are a hentai." said she. "I don't think o can forgive you." she said jokingly. "Nothing a trip to Orlando won't fix though."

"I would if I could, but my mother has some…issues on that topic…"

"What so you mean! I thought your mom liked me?"

"Well, she dose now thanks to Rei and that stupid picture."

At this Asuka began to show a feeling never seen to Shinji before. 'Is it hate, or jealousy or anger…I don't know, but I don't like it…'he thought.

"I am going tear that doll to pieces" she whispered. Getting worried for the safety of his sister Shinji quickly tried to intervene but stopped because he forgot how to use his spine again. "Well, so she thinks I am corrupting her little Shinji dose she?"

"Huh?" went along with Shinji's puzzled face.

"Your mother of course!" said the frustrated German.

"Oh, yeah she and my father think it is against God and economics to do what we…did…yester…" he was cut off by a smile on Asuka's face. "Oh, well if it is a good girl they want, it is good girl they shall get… So I how do I prove I am a good girl?"

"Well, since my mother only care about money Just buy her something nice in apology."

"That is easy, what about your father?" said the already plotting teen.

"My father? Well…He is very strange…"was his delayed reply

"Well, what is he making you do?"

"Well, He is a Roman Catholic. (okay don't yell, I am a roman catholic…by baptism ….and it is the only church that I know of that has these rituals. And to make Gendo an opposite of the one in the anime I wanted a religion with a lot of ceremony…So I chose my own) So after our detention he is making me go to the church and repent and pay for my sins…there goes my dating…I mean my gory console game I wanted."

"WHAT? Was that about a dating game?" said a hurt and angry Asuka before kicking him.

Thinking to the manga back in his old country he said the lamest excuse he could come up with, "That was before I met you!"

"That's what I thought you said. Anyway your, "faithful" father wants you to repent, eh? I can do that…for Orlando"

"But you're a protestant…"

"I'll convert, and say you showed me "The light"!" She began to giggle with the evilness of her plan. For some reason unbeknownst to Shinji he began to laugh also. 'I think I have been around Asuka too long' he thought darkly.

After they finished laugh Shinji was able to get out, "I guess converting, tithing and confessing would win him over."

"Good, I'll be there tonight!" she smiled at him.

'Oh my, what have I gotten myself into?' he thought. Just before he could say his protests the micro-phone came on and then senior class president was on the stage.

"Quiet! The Headmaster has called an emergency meeting so please listen to Headmaster Ed Itor." After which the entire hall silenced and a theme song began to play.

A man then walked out from behind the curtain. He was tall, average sized and had dark hair. He had thick rimmed glasses, a pasty complexion, green sweatshirt which had "83 l337 0r d13!"Be leet or die on it, a baseball cap that says, "G33K not Greek" Geek not Greek and black cargo pants, the stereotypical geek.

"4h3m! 1, H34dm4573r 3d 170r, 4m h3r3 70 74k 4b0u7 4 6r4v3 d4n63r. 7h15 71m3 17 15 w0r53 7h4n z0mb135 0r 3v3n 7h3 d0wnf4 0f N1n73nd0. 7h15 71m3 0ur 5ch00'5 h0n0r h45 b33n 74rn15h3d!" Ahem! I, Headmaster Ed Itor, am here to talk about a grave danger. This time it is worse than zombies or even the downfall of Nintendo. This time our school's honor has been tarnished! He pauses for impact then coughs and continues. "70d4y 0u751d3 0ur 64735 w3 w3r3 pub1cy hum11473d. W3 w3r3 u53d 1n 4 n3w5 570ry 4b0u7 4 d4n63r0u5 n3w 7r3nd 7h47 m4y hur7 4 0f u5. 7h15 15 0f c0ur53 5k1pp1n6 5ch00!...Wh3n n0 600d 64m3 r334535 0ccurr3d 7h47 d4y! 1 4m v3ry d154pp01n73d 1n y0u! 50 f0r y0ur hum114710n 1 5h4 m4k3 y0u w47ch 7h15!" Today outside our gates we were publicly humiliated. We were used in a news story about a dangerous new trend that may hurt all of us. This is of course skipping school!...When no good game releases occurred that day! I am very disappointed in you! So for your humiliation I shall make you watch this dishonor!He then turns and a drop down movie screen unfurls behind him and "channel 700 news" begins to play.

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The T.V. show

Theme song plays

"Welcome Back, I am Amanda Killer! And I am Bob Whiner, and here's the news! A new fad has been plaguing children in our schools! Is it small pox? Or child molesters? Or could it even be the return of non-low fat choices in the cafeteria? Find-out after this clip of Scratchy the surfing porcupine!" Benny Hill style music begins to play and an image of a porcupine surfing is shown on the screen. "Aww. Wasn't that cute?" "Yes it sure was Amanda. But now on to the more pressing matters. What is it that is happening in our schools? It is a new trend of "skipping school."" "Oh, Bob that sounds horrible! What is it?" Dark and terrifying music begins to play and the studio lights dim. "It is a terrible and awful thing. It is when children…(dramatic voice) Leave school to pursue other activities, rather than study their academics." A scream is heard and the camera pans over to see Amanda has fainted onto the desk. "Yes, I know it can be almost as scary as your face. But the point is students don't understand the danger this puts them in. With more on this, is Danny."

"Hi Bob! Well here we are in front of Ramiel Institute of Education. And as we were bringing you this horrific story, it happened right before our very eyes. Here is the clip." Just then a clip of Kaworu Nagisa slipping away was played for the entire viewing audience to see. "You see how scared he was of us catching him? Look right there." He circled the wet spot on the boy's pants with a John Madden like yellow circle. "Yep, poor boy. Back to you Bob!"

"Thanks, I-don't-care-what-your-name-was. And on with the weather, is going to be sunny Tom?"

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Back in the Auditorium

The noise was so loud the glass roof was rattling. The entire auditorium had erupted in laughter. Shinji and Asuka were laughing the hardest though. After about a couple of minutes the laughter began to die down and the headmaster returned to podium.

"4h3m. Y0u 533 h0w 7h15 h45 74rn15h3d 0ur 5ch00'5 h0n0r! W3 mu57 46r33 7h47 7h15 w1 n3v3r h4pp3n 4641n. Du3 70 7h15 1 h4v3 d34 w17h 7h3 P74 4641n, 50 7h47 m34n5 355 71m3 f0r m3 70 p4y 574rr4f7 7hu5 355 71m3 f0r y0u 70 d0 4NY7H1N6! 50, 1 w1 45516n 4 7w3n7y p463 3554y 0n 7h3 h1570ry 0f 337, 4nd 4 2 p463 r3p0r7 0n 7h3 b361nn1n65 0f 64m1n6 du3 1n 7w0 w33k5 1f n07h1n6 15 5ubm1773d y0u w1 b3 3xp33d. 7h47 15 4." Ahem. You see how this has tarnished our school's honor! We must agree that this will never happen again. Due to this I have deal with the PTA again, so that means less time for me to play StarCraft thus less time for you to do ANYTHING! So, I will assign a twenty page essay on the history of L33t, and a 2 page report on the beginnings of gaming due in two weeks. If nothing is submitted you will be expelled. That is all. He then straitens his hair, pulls out a pocket gaming device and walks off with groans from the school body.

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Detention -

After the Auditorium fiasco, Shinji and Asuka were so occupied about the revenge they had enacted upon their nemesis they had forgotten all about their friends. Hey were so busy acting how they used to they forgot about the whole "dating" thing. And were finally starting to get to know one another better. Afterwards they were off to the rest of their classes. After which they returned here for their daily punishment.

"Hey Shinji? What is the church of your like?" asked Asuka

"Oh, Well it is very large and we have priests and altar boys who do most of the ceremonies. I really don't know much because my dad just got in to himself when we moved here."

"oh, well it can't be that bad…"She remarked.

"It will be, It will be." said Shinji in a Yoda voice

"Shut-up you otaku!" She screamed and threw the eraser she was clapping at him. The rest of the evening when by silently while Shinji and Asuka attended to their "extreme punishments." This all changed when Gendo came for Shinji.

"Shinji, It is time…" said the Man standing in the doorway of the English class room. It was Gendo, but instead of his Hawaiian shirt, he was wearing all black, a cross in his right hand and a bible in his left. Shinji got up and headed for the door. Just then Asuka turned toward them and put on a fake smile, which broke under the glaring of Gendo.

"M…Mister I…Ikari, I am Shinji's girlfriend, Asuka. Asuka Langley Soryu…" said Asuka in a very timid and sweet voice. Shinji grimaced at these words. 'Girlfriend, I don't think I will get used to that…Oh no! What will dad do?' were Shinji's thoughts.

Gendo's eyes became wide as saucers and stared at the now, trembling Asuka which had never happened in her life before. Soon the storm clouds from before reappeared and cracks of thunder could be heard. "YOU ARE THE ONE WHO LURED HIM INTO THIS LIFE OF SIN! YOU HEATHEN! KAMI-SAMA SHALL SMITE THEE!"

Regaining her composer Asuka remembered her plan to get to Florida and put it into action. "I am sorry sir! I didn't know what I was doing was a sin! Your son hath shown me the light! Please sir, help me convert…"

At this the clouds began to and Gendo began to smile. "You have seen the light of Kami-sama?"

"Yes, thanks to your son." Asuka cracked a big fake smile.

"Well, I think Yui was wrong. You are a sweet girl, just misguided by the devil. Fine I shall call your mother and bring you with us to midnight mass..." said Gendo. 'This ought to earn me bonus points with Kami-sama! I am sure he let me in now….' He thought afterward as he made the sign of the cross the reached for his cell phone.

'Sun here I come' was Asuka's last thought before leaving with the Ikari's. While Shinji who was still trying to comprehend what he ate for breakfast let alone what and happened to him today just followed behind like a lost sheep. 'I hope I have waffles for breakfast tomorrow' was this pitiful boy's final thought before going to "repent."

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Hurray! I would finish now because I am extremely tired…But the title won't make sense without this final scene…Oh well the show must go on…. So enjoy some well earned FanFic…

_**(Boris: Hey Joe, do you ever run out of lines like that?)**_

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The Chapel

It was a large building, with large stained glass windows and large stained oak doors. And our little trio was headed to repent for their sins. By this point Shinji was extremely uncomfortable with his father asking Asuka really personal questions about them. Once inside all the fun was about to begin.

Once they entered the large main hall they were shocked by its magnificence. Tall stained glass windows adorned with the pictures of the apostles which lead the eye down to the altar. Above it was the cross with the savior of their faith Jesus upon it. Next to that was a large organ with was used during Sunday mass and special occasions. Shinji's eye continued along to see the small alcove of candles in the corner and the confessions booths.

Quickly He and Gendo had taken some of the holy water by the door and performed the ritual of the cross before entering. Seeing the puzzled face of the German, Shinji turned around and smiled. For this was one thing he knew and she did not. "What me to show you how?"

"No! I can figure it out…" said the self-confidant girl. Afterwards sticking her fingers into the bowl and making the sign of the cross. But when she finished she could see Shinji was holding back laughter. "WHAT?" she shouted in frustration.

Shinji quick stopped laughing and pressed hid fingers to his lips. "Not so loud…do you want dad to get angry?" "Then what did I do?" she whispered angrily.

Shinji smiled and said, "You made the sign of the cross backwards." He stood and caught up with his father leaving a stewing Asuka behind him.

"Oh, I am saved now" whispered Gendo. "What do you mean by that?" asked his son. "Nothing, just nothing…oh here is the priest now" said quickly. Gendo eagerly jumped to his feet and ran over to the man standing at the altar.

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A/N:Okay, was going to finish this scene but guess what…I am lazy and tried…so it is a cliff hangar! Hooray laziness! So many things happened in this chapter. What will Shinji's Guardian Angel have to say to him? Will Asuka be able to convert and then finally be able to go Orlando? Will I ever get over my laziness? Find out next time!

The Randomness will be with you…Always…(Whether you like it or not!)

A/O/N: Okay I sorry I am so late but I was really busy. Also I want to apologize again for any faiths or anyone else I may have offended, I am sorry if I did. This not a religious fanfic it is just meant to be funny and this is only a small part of the story and it is a way to get some humor into it…you'll see in the next chapter…(evil grin). Oh and if you have any suggestions or opinions on how to help this little fic out please review me or go to my forum… Thanks! Read and review…

A/O/O/N: This site isn't allowing me to upload the finished product due to it is saved as read only file and I can't fix it. I had to copy and paste both my editor's copy and my pre-reader's copy together. So the editing may have been worthless…lol…It's not their fault it is mine…I promise when I get the time I will try to sort it out...Sorry guys….

A/O/O/O/N: Almost forgot…Can you stop the extraterrestrial abductions? They have been getting under my skin….

_**Editor's Notes: 'Sup, Boris here. My job as an editor for this (vulgar word omitted) is tough. Not only do I have to correct every mistake Joe makes (that's a frigg'n huge amount), I fix up the story too. I had a little fun in this chapter though (there's a reference to me in here, if u can't find it then u need to get punched in the face, it's that easy to point out). Ach, I'm missing my reading-Rurouni Kenshin-time! Oh no! (dramatic music plays.) Anyway I'll leave u guys to Joe's horrible, err…I mean, GOOD, now trademarked ending phrase (it's German!) To all of j00 L33t ppl out there: 574y 337! To all of the non-L33t n00bx0rx out there: 830/3 337 0r d13! (not really)**_

_**C ya! **_

Ich werde Sie später sehen!


	4. Let me ride on that long black plane

Shinji wake up! – Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Same as first, I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion, but just so you know if asked by those who own any of the copyrighted material, I will voluntarily remove it from the story/internet.

A/N: I don't know what I was thinking…Sorry for all the spelling and grammar problems in the last chapter….Yeah I had my pre-reader and editor go over my story and the then they e-mailed me it back…but both were some how corrupted and would only open as read-only files so I had to try and merge both of them into a new document so I could upload…in the process some/most of the then non-edited stuff got through….Sorry…If the meaning was lost due to some of these errors please P.M. me and I will try to help you understand what I MEANT to say….

A/O/N: I just want you to know, There is now a forum just for this fic…so if you have ANY ideas(non-perverted: NO LEMONS/LIMES/Citrus ideas) please let me know and if I like them I will incorporate them into the story.

Also

Special Thanks to L33t N1nj4 Boris and Draknal for the proofreading, editing and helping to fill me in on some of my mistakes.

Thanks to everyone (L33t N1nj4 Boris) who let me bounce ideas off them. (I know it hurt but over time your wounds shall heal… I hope) (And no, I will NOT pay for your medical bill but I will give you meat…Yeah a meat basket at Christmas... Lorane make sure he gets a meat basket at Christmas.(If you get this last part of the joke… then you're as sad as I am! Here is a hint, Stan Lee created the concept for the movie which I am semi-quoting.))

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Chapter 4: Let me ride on that long black plane

Gendo quickly ran up to the priest and tapped him one the shoulder. The man, dressed in the normal garbs of a priest, which would be black with a white collar, turned around. To the old man's horror, there was that sad and pitiful man again with a sly grin on his face. "Hello father!" said an ecstatic Gendo.

"Welcome my son…" said the exasperated man. 'Why is this man always here…doesn't he have ANYTHING better to do? He is either the most devoted soul in this realm or he is just crazy…and from what I can gather, he's nuts…' thought the priest. "So what brings you here my son? I already heard your sins at morning mass." 'Which I wish I hadn't…'

"Oh but father I already sinned again and I want to make sure Kami-sama knows ALL of my problems..."

'And if that baka isn't lying in this book he will give me anything I want when it is time… the fool… only an idiot would make such a proposal,' was Gendo's thought.

He continued on, "But I also have more wonderful news! That heathen girl I told you about, the one who tempted my son, wishes to convert and repent for her actions!"

"Oh that is wonderful news!" said the priest. 'Maybe this guy is a blessing in disguise! He scares more people into converting than the rapture and the black plague combined…I wonder who the poor sap is this time…'

"Who is the young girl in question?" he asked.

Gendo's face lit up with happiness from the praise he had received. "Oh! That German girl over there!" He pointed to the young red head that stood fuming next to his son.

"Oh that is wonderful news!" said the priest. The priest quickly walked over to Asuka and put his hand on her shoulder. "Now that man over there said you wanted to convert."

"Wha-? Oh yes…converting…um…what do I have to do?" She asked quickly as she was pulled from her confusion. "Well, I will spare you the details but you should go back with the nuns and they shall prepare you for the light of god. In the meantime I will hear the sins of Shinji here," said the priest kindly. Asuka looked at him nervously. "Don't worry everything will be fine. The tiger hasn't eaten anyone lately…" he said and began to laugh at the fright in the girl's face.

"A joke…there aren't any tigers. All you have to do is the baptism. Which is done with water and then you're given…um …I mean sold a bible to study the lord's teachings." He smiled warmly at the newly relaxed, Asuka. She just nodded and followed the nun into the back…

"Alright Shinji go into the confessional while I have a little talk to your father about the amount of times required to repent…" said the aggravated priest. "Yes father" mumbled Shinji. He headed over to the confessionals trying to remember why he came here.

He then opened the curtain and sat himself on bench and began to wait for the window to open so he could repent.

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Meanwhile in the bat cave…uh…I mean the cathedral -

The kind old priest walked over to Gendo. "So you got yourself another convert, eh?" he said.

"Oh yes my father," said Gendo in an overly sweet manner.

"Well since you have been such a faithful person I am going to offer you something we hardly do anymore," said the priest.

Gendo's face lit up. "What's that father?" he asked excitedly.

"It's called an indulgence and for $800 I will give an indulgence…"he began

"And just _what_ does this indulgence do?" asked Gendo skeptically.

"Well, it will clear you of ALL sins from now until you set foot inside a church again," explained the priest

"So… If I never come to church I'll be clear forever?"

The priest smiled, 'Ah he catches on fast.' "That's right."

"Done!" screamed Gendo as he whipped out his wallet.

'Easy mon- I mean, he is definitely helping the lord…' thought the priest with a smirk.

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Inside the confessional- (Where Boris confessed his love of cheese and was excommunicated)

Shinji sat nervously waiting for the priest. He hated sitting here. The room was way too small and was extremely stuffy. But then he heard a little pop and a voice was heard, "I see you're here…good, good!"

'Like I had a choice….'

"Don't get snippy…at least you lilum know how to keep time... right then, very well…"

Several moments passed and nothing was said.

'Ummm….so why I am I here…' he sarcastically thought.

"Huh? Oh right that…well old chap the boss has taken some….um….special interest in you…yes that is the best way to put it…" said the voice as if being jogged out of a day dream.

'What do you mean "special interest" in me?'

"Hmmmm… Have you ever heard of the Holy Grail?"

'Yeah… the cup right?'

"No…" he was cut off by Shinji's next thought, 'Oh you mean the movie with that British dude! Yeah that is good stuff but I really like "the life…"'

"No!" the voice sighed. "No, it's the idea of how the son of our lord had taken a wife and started a holy blood line."

Shinji was shocked he was trying to contemplate this… 'You mean to tell me that …I am the H-Holy Grail?'

The voice began laughing, "Heavens No! IT is a complete and utter lie….I just wanted to clear that up…."

'WHAT THE HELL! I DIDN'T EVEN MENTION IT! YOU BROUGHT IT UP!' thought an outraged Shinji.

"What…I did, did I? Oh well….whatever. The thing I need to explain to you is how you are supposed to use divine intervention…."

'World domination?' commented Shinji slyly.

"Stop acting like Gendo. No…you know what, I don't have time for this… here I am going to implant the memory of this heart wrenching and inspiring conversation in your head... give me a sec…"

Just then Shinji felt a warm glow take over his form for a minute and he closed his eyes. When he re-opened his eyes, they were glazed over with an awed look and a tear came rolling down from his eye. "There now you understand lilum…"

'Yes' was the only thing he could get out.

"Well very good…Pip pip and cheerio!"

'WAIT!' Shouted Shinji in his mind.

"What is it now?"

'Why do you have a stereotypical British accent?"

"Um… well… the time will come when all will be revealed… um yeeeeeeeah…. bye."

There was another pop and Shinji was left to reflect on his "conversation."

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In the chapel-

Gendo was giddy with excitement and was just waiting for Shinji and that…girl to finish up so he could finally use his loophole to get to where he wanted.

Suddenly two men dressed in the garb of Vikings walked up to Gendo.

"Hey, your son is in my class! Gendo Ikari, your son is Shinji, right?" asked the younger one.

In his famously cold voice, he turned to the two men, "Yes, that is my son. What were your names? Mr. uh..."

"Fool, we are all friends' right?" the older one said and gave a toothy grin. Well it would have been toothy if the fact many of the man's teeth were replaced with gold teeth.

"I am Fimbulhrim, the one whose bass drum has struck fear into the kraken himself and that is my father Flóki, the one who can slay a thousand enemies in one swift axe blow and gain the affection a thousand women with a single smile!"

Upon the younger one finishing this statement they both struck their "nice guy pose."

"Um…o…kay" Even the Super bastard shell hadn't pre-pared him for this. Gendo just didn't know what to say and sweat dropped. He had never seen anything so ridiculous as this.

'They MUST be insane…who do they allow to wander the streets in this country?'(This coming from the guy who calls mediums to buy potato chips)

"So… Flóki… You and your son are here to repent, I suppose…" stated Gendo.

This got a hardy laugh from both the Vikings…

"Hell no…silly little religion, Thor shall smite thine heathens…we came to pillage." Upon finishing his sentence he held up the collection plate and Fimbulhrim grabbed a bible from one of the pews and threw it on the ground…

"There I think our pillaging is done!" stated Fimbulhrim

"Yes we must get back before Nidhogg spots us…." finished his father.

This piqued Gendo's curiosity, "Who is Nidhogg?"

Both the Vikings looked at each other with shock and then began to do some sort of ritual which required them to give a war cry and spin in a circle.

"You mean…you've never heard…" Fimbulhrim spoke in hushed tones.

"N-n-n-no…I haven't," Gendo said rather flustered. He hated being out of the loop.

"Oh it is terrible… Nidhogg does horrible things and has never been caught…he is a dragon that can do almost anything," Flóki said in awed reverence.

Gendo gave quick laugh. "I don't fall for ghost stories…." said the 'new' Gendo we all know and love…

"Really now?" inquired Flóki.

"You know hurricane Katrina?" asked Fimbulhrim. Gendo nodded. "Nidhogg did it. Terrorists? Nidhogg! Earthquakes? Nidhogg! Black Death? Nidhogg ! The Crusades? Nidhogg! Hanson? Nidhogg! N'sync? Nidhogg! My ex-wife? Nidhogg! Paris Hilton ACTING? Nidhogg!"

"Oh my god!" Whispered Gendo. Then Gendo asked a question, "What about politicians?"

"Nah! That's Cthulhu …" said Flóki.

"Oh…I see," mumbled Gendo.

"Well, were not _supposed_ to do this for people outside our kin…" stated Fimbulhrim.

"Oh you don't mean _that_! Do you son?" Said a shocked Flóki.

"WHAT?" begged Gendo.

"We could give Ikari protection from…_him,_" stated Fimbulhrim.

"Really?" Gendo glowed with relief.

"Yeah, but it will cost you!" grumbled Flóki.

"Like what?" Gendo looked between them.

"Well first off you would have to take my son to the place of renewal…" he sighed, "I am far too old to go to the Promised Land…"

"Where is that?"

"The pointy thing that poked Odin in his eye otherwise known as…um…Florida." said Fimbulhrim.

"Wow what a coincidence! We are going there tomorrow! Funny, eh?" Gendo smiled

"Really who woulda thunk…" said Flóki and they both grinned. "Well along with that you have to pay a small fee…of –cough- $1500 –cough-."

"You two would really do that for me?" said Gendo as though emotionally touched.

"Sure, pal!" said the pair and slapped him on the back.

"You guys are real friends!"

And with that he whipped out his wallet again. Once the exchange was made the Viking pulled out crumpled piece of paper with red crayon that said "Drgaon In-shure-antz" with a smile the father said, "my son will see you at the airport tomorrow…good luck with the 'religion' thing…"

And they left… and Gendo couldn't help but think, 'Everything is going my way today. I got an indulgence and "Drgaon In-shure-antz" what else could he get?'…so he sat and waited impatiently for his son to come back from confession and the girl to be baptized.

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-Inside the confessional-

Shinji sat in wait for the priest to show up. Soon he heard the small click of the priest's door and heard the ruffling of cloth. Soon the door built into the wall opened and the voice of the priest permeated in to Shinji's head. (I never said that this is going to be a normal confession so…um…what this priest says isn't what a priest usually says…but this sounds cooler.) "Oh the wayward sheep of the great lord and our Shepherd have you lost your way and wish the lord to guide you back into the light?"

"Hai…I mean yes," said Shinji getting nervous and accidentally answering in Japanese.

If you could see the preacher's face you could see the small smile he had because he knew boy was nervous.

"Well then tell your sins and then the punishment and redemption will be given."

"Um…well father…I don't really know what I did wrong…"

"Oh you're the boy who came here with your father correct?"

"Yes."

"Oh, well I heard that you have gotten to "know" (In the church getting to "know" someone is to have a **very** intimate relationship with someone, which Shinji doesn't know) the girl who came with you."

"Of course, she is one of my many friends; in fact she probably is my best friend. I have gotten to know many people though…"

The preacher's face fell but Shinji kept digging himself into a larger hole.

"…But she probably is the best, she sometimes comes to get me up in the morning…"

The preacher frowned and said with disappointment in his voice, "You know your sister would never do something like this she is a very good girl…."

"I know my sister…she isn't as good as you think…" Shinji mumbled.

The preacher looked like he was going puke, "SON!" he yelled. "That is incest! Which is a horrible offense! Did you read the story of Sodom! To commit sins of the flesh with many women is horrible as it is, but with your SISTER?" he just couldn't hold in his rage and disgust any longer.

"What are you talking about! I have never done anything like that in my life! Let alone even thought about THAT with my SISTER! You HENTAI! Where did you even get that idea?" Shinji couldn't believe what the Priest had just accused him of.

"You said you 'knew' them," said the priest, still upset but a little confused.

Shinji was really confused now, "Of course I know them, they're my friends and family. I talk to them and sometimes we go places but I have never done anything like _that_…I am not like Misato…"

Then came boisterous laughter from the other side of the confessional, "Son you don't understand what the phrase 'to know someone' means biblically, do you?" he asked kindly and with a little of a chuckle.

Shinji blushed, "Um…not really…"

"Well then it means to have **very** intimate relationship and from what you said…" he said seriously.

Shinji's blush tripled as he thought back to what he had said, 'Oh my god what did I say!' "N-n-n-n-no I n-never meant a-an-anything l-like that…"

The preacher chuckled at this boy's antics, "Then we don't have a problem… I'll just forget you said those things…Now let's try this again…Why are you here?"

"My father forced me…"

The priest sighed. "Why would that be?"

"He…he…found out…that I kissed…Asuka," he answered in a barely audible tone.

"Oh…the girl that came with you today?"

"Yes," he whispered

"And did anything happen afterward?" he asked solemnly

'What is wrong with this guy…all he wants to know is if…I…and…Asuka…uh…' He blushed harder at where his thoughts were going. He quickly shook the thoughts out of his head, 'Hentai! This is the LAST time I go to church.'

After the moment in which he collected his thoughts, he said in the strongest voice he had left after this ordeal, "No! I have never done anything like that ever! The kiss just kind of…happened…and we stopped right after but…the son of a…"

"LANGUAGE!"

"Sorry…the boy named Nagisa took a picture of us and sold them and that is how my parents found out…so we are now trying to make some of the humiliation go away by going out…but it still feels like we're just friends…" He didn't know why but for some reason he felt better by telling him all this…

"I see…" said the priest in a fatherly like way. "Don't let others deicide things for you…You are you and they are they, sometimes the best way is the hardest. Just place your faith in the Lord and things will work out…Do you understand?"

"Yes…yes I think I do…"

"Good, as for your sin just say a Hail Mary and wait for me to baptize your friend, then you can go."

"Yes father."

Shinji was getting up to leave exhausted from what he had be put through when the priest spoke up once more. "And Shinji"

"Yes father?"

"If you ever want to talk about anything you can come and talk to me…" he said in an assuring way.

"T-Thanks." Shinji then gave a little bow and turned to leave.

"Oh, father?" he asked, half turning around.

"Yes Shinji?"

"What is the answer to life, the universe, and everything?" Shinji inquired.

"'Six times nine' is the only answer I can give you now." The priest said wisely with a smirk before watching Shinji leave.

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-Outside the church

"What the HELL was THAT FOR! What was the point of the water anyway?" Asuka was yelling at the semi-scared boy. He just shook his head. She had been like this ever since they set foot outside of the chapel. His father literally ran to the car which was three blocks away, which just left him with her. She had been angry because she said that the water had ruined her hair, but it really didn't matter, it was only just a sprinkle. As we all know though, this wouldn't stop Asuka from complaining.

"You don't have to worry, we'll be on our way to Florida tomorrow anyway, who cares what your hair looks like…" Shinji tried to stop her in exasperation.

"Is THAT supposed to make me feel better…That makes it worse, I don't want wonder girl or anyone else to show me up! You bet…" she replied angrily

"Don't worry about it, you always look the best…" He cut her off composedly but he seemed aloof by staring off into space.

Caught off guard by the comment she stopped talking. She looked over at him and saw something was wrong with him. Softly in a voice she hardly ever used she addressed him caringly, "Shinji what's wrong?"

He let go of a long sigh, and nearly whispered, "I don't want things to change."

"What are you talking about?" She asked softly.

He turned his head and looked her in the eyes. She could tell there was something flickering in his, sorrow, regret or was it completely different? "I don't was us to change…"

She was a little surprised by this but continued to look in his eyes.

"…Just because we're going out…I don't want to lose the friendship we had…"

She cut him off before he finished.

"What do you mean _had_?"

He blinked and stuttered, "I thought s-since well…"

She let out a sweet chuckle. "Baka, nothing has changed! We are still the same but now we have some extra benefits…" She smiled slyly.

"Really?" he looked at her hopefully.

"You bet your ass! You're still the same naive Shinji that I have to pick up for school sometimes…and I'm still the most perfect girl who demeans herself to be in your presence."

Shinji began to laugh. 'Everything is alright, we are still the same…' but another thought came across his mind. "Hey, what do you mean benefits?"

She smiled, 'He is catching on quicker than I expected.' "Well I get free stuff 'cause you pay for it."

"How is that any different?" asked Shinji.

She glowered at him and he quickly returned to a submissive position. She smiled and continued, "And you can help me with a favor."

"What is this favor…?"

"I made a bet with wonder girl…anyway I kinda have to get Kensuke to go out with her…" she said in a sickly sweet voice.

"Don't worry, I already got that taken care of due to the deal I had made with her…" he said lowly

"Really! How did you get the stooge to agree?" she was impressed

"I told him that Rei is an alien and if he went with her on this vacation she might not perform experiments on him…" he said slyly.

Asuka tried to hold a straight face and then she just couldn't help herself and burst out laughing. Shinji couldn't help himself either and followed suit.

"Well then it looks like that is taken care of…" she said between laughs.

After regaining their composure, Shinji looked over at her curiously. He then gathered all the courage he had to ask the question, "So what kind of benefits are these…they seem to be all negative to me…"

She smirked, "I wasn't finished yet, and you get this…" She stepped in front of him and put her hands on each side of his face. She proceeded to kiss him. She pulled back slightly and looked him in the eye. "…from time to time," she whispered. He stood stock still from the unexpectedness of this. She winked at him and began to walk to the car at a faster pace while he continued to stand there and watch her retreating form.

He raised his hand to his face and first felt the hot blush he had. Then with trembling fingers he touched his lips where Asuka's were seconds before and he could still feel the tingling sensation they had left. He slowly broke out into a smile and thought, 'All right, maybe not EVERYTHING is the same…But I think I like it better this way.' With that he began chasing after the red head.

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-Shinji's Room of Doom™

The sound of the radio began to stir the young man who was slumbering on the bed shaped as a race car. Soon his eyes snapped open and his blue walls began to come into focus. He looked and saw his suitcase sitting in the corner. 'Oh yeah we're leaving today…'

He quickly got up and began to change into his proper attire and headed off towards the bathroom, luckily for him it was open and he began to get ready for a new day…(We will leave him here because he deserves his privacy.)

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In the Ikari kitchen-

Mrs. Ikari, excited about their trip, was busy making the family's breakfast. Yui was still planning her vacation when Rei came walking down the stairs, wearing the most ridiculous uniform ever. It was a black skirt with a sliver star imprinted on it and as Yui's eyes moved up the outfit, the more outrageous it was. Along with the skirt, Rei was forced to wear a black t-shirt with a silver vest with the camp monogram. The monogram was the solar system with music notes for stars.

Yui stifled a laugh upon seeing her disgruntled daughter. In her right hand was her suitcase while in the other was the weird instrument her father had picked up for her.

"You look…well," said her mother

"Yeah if I was in a 1950's sci-fi freak show!" retorted Rei.

"Don't be like that. Your father really has the best intentions in his heart…besides you might find something of value by going there."

Rei smirked a little and sat down at the table.

Just then there was a knock on the door. Yui, looking a little flustered mumbled, "I told them to be here in two more hours…" She walked over to the door and opened it. Standing in the door way were two girls one of which had been the focus of all Yui ranting for the past couple of days.

"Sorry Mrs. Ikari, I know you are busy with packing and all but I just came to apologize for my actions." Asuka's remarks had been unexpected to the woman. In all her time she had never and I mean NEVER heard a Sohryu say sorry let alone in the tone of voice the girl was using. It actually sounded remorseful. But just before Yui was going to chastise her, the girl continued,

"In the future I will try to hold back my affections toward your son, for more appropriate situations…So, I hope you accept this gift as my apology."

The girl produced a small package. It was wrapped it a wonderful yellow colored wrapping paper with a red bow. "I hope you like it…and again, gomen" and she made a small bow.

"A-Arigato" Yui began to unwrap the present. Inside was a box of dark chocolate and two gift cards. One was for the coffee shop she frequently visited and the other was for Office Depot…Yui couldn't help but smile. She sighed and looked at the girl, "My son helped you didn't he?"

Asuka blushed, "Well just a little…"

Yui's hard eyes softened and the next thing she thought was that maybe she underestimated the girl. It was obvious her son liked the girl in some way, and she liked her until that infernal picture… "Well, why don't you two come in…"

"But we…don't want bother you Mrs. Ikari…" said the other girl

"I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name…"

The girl seemed to blush due to her loss of manners, "Hikari, Hikari Horaki…"

"Well then come on in Hikari and Asuka…I am sure Rei and Shinji wouldn't mind company during breakfast."

Both girls slowly walked in.

Sitting at the table was Rei in her ridiculous outfit just as her two other friends walked in.

"Rei…what are you wearing?" asked Hikari in disbelief. Rei hung her head, "This is the uniform…of the band camp I was FORCED to go to…" the bitterness in her voice was quite obvious.

"That's terrible…" whispered Hikari

"Tell me about it…" Rei stated with a sigh.

"Well at least Kensuke will find it… irresistible." input Asuka seriously.

"Stop it! Don't make it worse!" cried Rei with tears in her eyes.

"No I actually mean it…considering the way we convinced him to go with y'all to Florida." winked Asuka.

"H-How did you convince him?" got out Rei.

"That is for me and Shinji to know and for you to find out…" said Asuka

The conversation began to sink and the Rei let out a gasp… "That means…HE'LL BE HERE!" she let out a little "Eep!" and ran upstairs to fix her hair.

Then Yui walked up to Asuka grinning, "You two, I have a surprise for you both!"

"What is it?" asked Hikari with a grin.

"I called both of your parents and they will be over with your suitcases because you both are coming to Florida with us!" Yui's smile widened.

Hikari's eyes grew wide and Asuka just smiled. Together they answered, "Thank you!" enthusiastically.

"Oh but there is a condition for you Asuka!" she warned

Asuka's face fell but looked up and asked, "What would that be?"

"Would you mind waking up Shinji like you used to…I am a little busy getting ready for guests," Yui smiled again.

Asuka smiled, "Sure thing" and Asuka turned and went upstairs while Hikari began helping Yui with breakfast.

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Inside Shinji's room-

He looked down at himself and realized he was wearing clothes that were not appropriate for Florida. He was wearing long sweatpants and a sweater that had a Kanji printed on it. Seeing this and the weather outside, along the predicted weather for Orlando he decided to make a minor adjustment. He went to he drawers and pulled out bright colored tee-shirt along with a pair of tan dress shorts.

He placed the new clothing on his bed and disrobed to his skivvies. He sighed as he picked up the shirt as was about to place it over his head when he heard for the second time, a pair of feet coming up the stairs. 'Rei must have forgotten something again…I hope she has some fun in band camp…' but just then the door slammed open, interrupting his thoughts.

"Shinji! Get up! Your mo-…" the red head became silent at seeing Shinji standing in his current state of disrobe. The both were in shock, Shinji for having a girl…much less this one, coming into his room while changing, and Asuka for walking in on what she thought was a sleeping Shinji.

They stared at each other for a long time, or at least what _felt _like a long time to them. After the moment, Shinji was the first to come out of shock. "Asuka?" He asked in disbelieving voice.

She nodded her head in response. Shinji raised his voice and yelled, "Get OUT!" She blushed, let out a little "Eep!" and ran out of the room and leaned up against the closed door.

Shinji then flushed, quickly got dressed, and left the room.

By this point however, Asuka was waiting for him outside the door.

"Shinji, I-I am soooo sorry… I thought you were…were…were sleeping and…when…I...saw," Asuka was trying to get past her embarrassment to apologize.

But then Shinji cut her off in a stone cold voice, "We don't talk about that," he waited a moment then said, "agreed?"

She took a moment the stuttered, "A-Agreed."

"Good" and with that he walked down the stairs with Asuka following after him.

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Inside the kitchen-

Shinji arrived and there were already many people there: Toji, Hikari, Fuyutsuki, Kaji, Misato, his mother, his father, and Rei, who at the moment was making advances on the last of the stooges. Kensuke at the moment looked like the rabbit in the sights of a snake. He had paled, his eyes widened, and had begun sweating profusely. He made sure not to say anything. Shinji smiled at seeing this… 'Alright sis I'll fix this up. I always keep my word.'

He took a deep breath and took something from his suitcase. Asuka smirked and watched as Shinji walked over to the stooge in need and the albino girl who was WAY too desperate.

"Why don't you and I…" Rei was saying to Kensuke as her brother walked over. She quickly stopped and looked at him as Kensuke breathed a sigh of relief.

"Sis do you mind if I talk to him for a minute?" ask Shinji

His sister gave a monotone answer, "He was boring right now anyway. She walked over to talk to Asuka, Hikari, and Toji who were in a conversation.

"Thanks Shinji! She was trying to lure me into one of her alien traps!" gasped Kensuke.

"Well then I have surprise for you!" smiled Shinji. He handed him a bundle. Kensuke took it and looked at Shinji questioningly when it turned out to be the male version of Rei's uniform and a pair of drum sticks.

"What is this!" shrieked Kensuke. Shinji wracked his brain to find something that might make sense for the military otaku.

"It is similar to camouflage! If you wear it and you are able to get on her good side. She might accept you as one of her own…" smiled Shinji.

"Why do I need drum sticks?" asked the boy

"To keep her company! She is being forced to go to the band camp so if you go and keep her company she will most likely be more susceptible to liking you and not wanting to put you through experiments. But remember she still is my sister and if you hurt her in any way, will have to deal with ME!" said Shinji sternly.

Kensuke gulped and nodded his head.



-inside the airport

The group was approaching the counter and all were chatting amongst themselves. Just then Fimbulhrim approached the group still in his garb. "Oy friends!" The group stared at him and then Gendo pointed at the boy and screamed, "TERRORIST!"

"Wha-?" gasped Fimbulhrim.

'Never try to outwit an Ikari,' thought Gendo.

Then a bunch of Security Guards began marching toward the Viking, who was making grunting sounds. They then grabbed him and began to drag him away.

"Damn you! You traitorous fool! May the allies and foes of our clan come down upon you Ikari!"

Muttering took place between the people of the airport after the event.

Yui scowled at her husband, "Did you know him?"

"He was…uh…the IRS!" lied Gendo.

Yui's face lightened and she said, "Good job then!" and gave him a little squeeze. The rest of the group shook their heads and continued to the counter.

"Welcome to Jet Alone! How may we help you?" asked the ticket agent.

"We are group Ikari here to go to Orlando," said Yui in an arrogant tone.

"I am sorry but I can't give you the tickets," said the man gloomily.

"What? Why is that?" asked a flustered Yui.

"None of your party is wearing smiley face shirts…"

The group surveyed themselves and noticed none of them were wearing smiley face shirts. But they began to laugh. Yui said, "Funny joke! But come on give us the tickets!"

"Sorry, I was serious."

Yui's eyes turned devilish and she said in a demonic voice, "This is the first vacation I have had in 16 years! You aren't going to spoil it! Give me the tickets!"

The boy paled, looked really scared, and said, "I can give you the tickets but you won't get farther then the boarding agent."

Yui took the tickets and the group headed to the terminal.



Yes I had the urge to do it so I did …That's right I made song-fic section of this chapter! I know they can get annoying but I wanted to do one at least once. So without further ado - Shinji and Asuka the musical: With the song Buddy Holly by Weezer (DISCLAIMER: I don't own nor have the rights to Weezer or any of their works)

(Editor's note: Boris hates songfics. 'nuff said)

-inside the airport terminal E-  
Shinji and the newly made catholic girl were standing near the terminal, waiting for Yui to 'Straighten out' their plane tickets, while Gendo was 'consulting' a higher power to find out what type of potato chip to bring along (We all know this is a VERY important decision) and the others were off to their own devices.

"You do realize how lucky you are to have someone as hot as me as your girlfriend," she smiled and stifled a laugh every time she said this, it would cause him to dart his eyes around to see if his mom was listening and for extra mirth she began to stress the last word in a semi sing-song voice.

Shinji began to realize that Asuka was starting to enjoy this a little too much and that she was teasing. So with this new found attitude toward things he began to act like any other normal teenager in a playful fight. "Oh really…yeah I am so lucky…I mention Florida and even my best friend is all over me just to get to get there." He murmured playfully.

At first she was shocked by this as an act of a fight but soon realized he was getting her back. 'Oh you brought it 'The Invincible Shinji.' No has ever beaten me in a game of wits and you're not about to…' she thought. "Oh really I didn't know Kensuke swung that way. I must go have a talk with that boy…I don't share my boyfriend with anyone." She said acting as if serious and had a pensive voice all the while trying to stop herself from laughing and ruining the shot.

Shinji who still needed practice at this game of wit had fallen for the bait. He became red with embarrassment and began to stutter his reply. "Wha-? That is not what I meant and you know it!" he hissed.

Asuka continued as if she didn't hear him. "Ah poor Rei, I wonder how she is gonna handle this…Her brother stealing the only man insane enough to actually go out with her…"

"Hey don't say that! You know that wasn't what I meant. I meant you… and you call yourself a genius…" said Shinji in a scoffing manner.

Asuka let out a fake gasp (which fooled Shinji) and said, "How could you say such a thing. After all I did for you I even converted my faith for you!" she said in a melodramatic voice.

"We both know you only did that for the trip to Florida," he said softly but not unkindly.

"How would you know? Besides, think of this trip as only a tribute you must give me once and a while."

"A tribute for what?" inquired a semi-outraged Shinji.

"For being able to see and touch…" At this point Asuka put her hand on Shinji's chest and winked. And by now his ears could no longer gain any more shades of red. Asuka giggled and seductively finished her statement, "…the wondrous beauty that is me."

Shinji let out a gulp and was afraid that he might have a nosebleed at any moment.

Just then a group of guys walked past and the pair was able to hear the group's conversation from where the other group had taken residence in the seats a few meters away.

"Dude, did you see that bombshell back there?" asked one.

"You mean the red head standing over there?"

"Yeah that's the one. Did you SEE the loser she is with?"

Asuka made the I told you so face and whispered in Shinji's ear, "I win."

"I guess so," said Shinji and smiled as Asuka pulled back they were standing a normal distance apart.

But then the seemingly good encounter turned bad.

They heard the man's reply, "Oh yeah. You mean the dork? She is a slut."

When Shinji heard this his mind began to release the controls that held in his common sense. 'How dare they say something like about Asuka!' he thought.

"Yeah I mean look at her! All of that make-up, the short skirt, the way she is using the dweeb," said the first.

"Yep, I wouldn't do her if you paid me…she's probably got diseases," a third said. The group began to chuckle.

At hearing this Shinji was about to go over and throttle the group. But before he could, he saw Asuka's eyes. He could see her fury but hidden below this he could see a glimmer of her pain. This sated his rage for the moment, and his sense of caring came into play. He extend his hand and took the German's in his and gave her a reassuring smile. This seemed to lighten her sprits for the moment.

"I dunno, she may be worth the work. I mean look at her, I wouldn't mind a free ride. You know what I bet y'all I can get her in five minutes," said the first as he stood up and began to head toward Shinji and Asuka.

_Whats with these homies dissing my girl?  
Why do they gotta front?  
What did we ever do to these guys that made them so violent?_

The man began to approach and Shinji could feel his gut begin to twist and Asuka tighten up next to him. He was a tall man whom obviously worked out at the gym far too long for a sane person. He wore an AC-DC shirt and black cargo pants. And behind him walked his "crew".

He walked over to Asuka and put on a sly grin. "Hey babe what cha doin' around here without a real man?"

For once Asuka decided NOT to pay any attention to these guys, lest she risk a confrontation in the middle of an airport to start off a vacation. Instead she looked toward the board that was labeled departures and displayed on-time for all the flights except the ones to Baltimore, since there was large snow storm occurring there.

"Hey hun I was talkin' to ya," he said a little more aggravated. Asuka blinked at him and then said, "Was haben Sie Arschloch gesagt?" Which in translation means "What did you say asshole?" Shinji successfully stifled a giggle but mentally gave Asuka a high-five.

At first the man was a little taken aback but the looked toward Shinji. He smiled then looked back at Asuka. "Don't take me for an idiot. You can speak and understand me otherwise this faggot wouldn't understand you." and pointed to Shinji.

Asuka began to think of an answer but Shinji had one of his rare thinking moments and said in faked broken English, "I speak little English. She speak Japanese with me. No is problem?" Asuka beamed at how Shinji actually sometimes used a brain.

"Oh really? Then tell her to speak to you in Japanese." He said smugly.

But Asuka jumped the gun and before Shinji could say anything she said all she knew of Japanese, "Shinji no baka" and she smiled. But Shinji groaned.

"HA! CAUGHT YOU! He never said anything to you so you MUST understand what I am saying. And I don't take kindly to those who try to trick Doc the Clock Zimmerman. And they don't either. Do you boys?" and he cracked his knuckles.

The group behind him smiled and began to murmur their agreement.

"Well I think there is only one thing that could calm me down." Quickly he reached out and grabbed the surprised Asuka and began to try to kiss her.

"Get your filthy hands off me!" screamed Asuka as she slapped the man and was able to struggle out of his grip.

_Oooo Oooo!  
But ya know I'm yours,  
Oooo Oooo!  
And I know your mine.  
Oooo Oooo!  
And that's why-i-i-i!_

"Aww, looks like she's shy…" said the man in an annoying tone of voice that one used towards a baby. "Maybe a real man can bring her out of her shell." And he began to make kissing faces.

"Stuff a sock in it!" said a heated Asuka.

"All I am askin' ya ta do is to dump that zero and pick yourself up a hero. You deserve a better man that…" he put on a Snape like voice for the last part " thing."

"That 'thing', as you put it, is my boyfriend and is twice the man you are! Let's get out of here Shinji." She grabbed his hand and she turned on her heel to walk away.

"Oh you're not getting away that easily" said Doc the Clock Zimmerman. He snapped his fingers and the group circled them.

Asuka became distressed at seeing this and turned back to the leader. "Just let us go!"

"I am afraid I can't do that…maybe a kiss could change my mind" he said in a fake pensive voice and he smirked after it.

Worry and other emotions showed themselves on her face. She chose to remain quiet. Mistaking her silence for a yes one of the henchmen whispered to another, "I told you she was a whore."

_Ooo wee ooo, I look just like Buddy Holly,  
Oh oh, and you're Mary Tyler Moore.  
I don't care what they say about us anyway.  
I don't care about that._

"That's it! I have had enough!" said Shinji in low but raising voice a voice that was not his own. This voice was one deeper and seemed that it should have belonged to a demon rather than a person. When Asuka looked at his eyes she let out a quiet gasp. They had glassed over and had dilated to twice their normal size with rage and passion. She had only once before seen his eyes like this and that was back on the day he ripped the teacher a new one.

Shaken a bit but not allowing it to show the man laughed a bit. "So it speaks!" he looked around to his posse for approval. They let out a strained chuckle. "Well what's a little mama's boy like you gonna do? Whine at me? Oooo…or maybe you'll give me speech on why my actions are bad." This got a snicker from the group.

Shinji was about to speak when Asuka cut him off in a low voice meant for only him to hear. "You don't have to do this Shinji! I'll….I'll find another way. You don't need to get yourself hurt on my account."

"I'd listen to your bitch on this one little man…" said the man.

_Don't you ever fear, I'm always there,  
I know that you need help.  
Your tongue is twisted, your eyes are slit,  
You need a Guardian._

Shinji looked at the man with the eyes of a man preparing for European style warfare. "No, I am no longer going to sit back and watch things spiral out-of-control. I am tired of jerks like you pushing people around. I have recently learned that you must choose a path and decide what is precious to you. Once you have you should protect it no matter what the cost. While some things I can let pass, you have just crossed the line. Asuka is one of the most important people I know and I am going to make sure nothing happens to her. No one is going to stop me from accomplishing my goal not my mother, not my friends, not Kaworu Nagisa and definitely not you."

Asuka had never heard anything like this from Shinji before. She couldn't help but smile knowing how he felt but now was not the time for thinking about feelings. She was worried he might get himself killed. "But Shinji…" she almost pleaded.

"But nothing Asuka. He is not going to lay a finger on you ever again as long as I have a say in the matter. Besides think of it as me paying off a bit of the debt I owe you," said Shinji coolly.

"Well now that nerd-angst-theater is over I have something to say. You never answered my question. What are you gonna do to stop me?" sneered Doc the Clock.

"Kick your ass from here all the way back to Kyoto and back." said Shinji nonchalantly.

Asuka was shocked at Shinji's sudden change in demeanor. 'What happened to him?' she thought.

The other boy scoffed at him. "If that's what you think but I think you'll regret you ever said that. Now I am going to have beat you down."

"I highly doubt that," Shinji replied.

_Oooo Oooo!  
And you know I'm yours,  
Oooo Oooo!  
And I know your mine.  
Oooo Oooo!  
And that's why-i-i-i!_

Rei and Kensuke had just finished walking out from the airport bookstore. As before, Kensuke fearing Rei's alien wrath, was carrying all of her carry-ons and now the books from the bookstore. But 'luckily' for him the newly added weight was offset by the significantly lighter wallet.

"I told you Kensuke, you would enjoy yourself with me. And look at all fun you had in that store," commented Rei as she was flipping through the newest issue of People. The 'fun' she was referring to was how he and two other men had sat in row of chairs outside of the store. All of them were forced to hold their female 'friends' bags and gave each other a look that spoke volumes. What is this look you ask? Oh all men know the look, it is the one of pity and understanding that each were in the same boat. They might not be in this position for the same reason but they all had the same consequences if they objected to this treatment in any way, although Kensuke's reasons were not normal. They had sat there and made small talk while they waited for their female counterparts to return.

"Oh yes. You were right." 'Please don't probe me.' were Kensuke's thoughts and spoken words when Rei had commented.

Rei just smiled and kept walking while her male friend was struggling to keep up. Just then they rounded the corner to where the others were supposed to be when they both saw the situation Shinji and Asuka were in. From where they stood it looked as if a group of men were talking to their two friends.

"What are they up to?" ask Rei quietly.

"I…I don't know." replied Kensuke.

Just then the man grabbed Asuka and seemed to try to kiss her, and she seemed to escape. "Maybe I should…"started Rei.

"Don't get involved. I am sure the red devil can figure her way out of it." Cut in Kensuke's long lost voice. Rei smirked at this and nodded. To her surprise Asuka took a different course of action than she had expected. Asuka grabbed Shinji's arm and tried to flee. 'So, she knows when to run…she is smarter than I thought…' Rei thought. But the man made some sort of motion and the others circled around Shinji and Asuka. "Oh great looks like I am gonna have to bail out my dunce brother and the succubus," said Rei loud enough for only Kensuke to hear.

"I don't know about that, give Shinji a chance first," replied the boy.

"No, I don't think he can fix this…" mumbled the blue haired girl. She began toward the group again a little faster this time but stopped when she heard a voice she never heard before and saw Shinji take a defensive stance. 'The idiot he will get himself killed' and she began to hurry faster to ground zero. The voice began to become more distinct and she was beginning to catch the conversation.

She could hear the man beginning to make fun of her brother and she knew she had to step in now but then Shinji said something to stop her. His voice rose and she could hear the power and meaning put behind it.

"No, I am no longer going to sit back and watch things spiral out-of-control. I am tired of jerks like you pushing people around. I have recently learned that you must choose a path and decide what is precious to you. Once you have you should protect it no matter what the cost. While some things I can let pass, you have just crossed the line. Asuka is one of the most important people I know and I am going to make sure nothing happens to her. No one is going to stop me from accomplishing my goal, not my mother, not my friends, not Kaworu Nagisa, and definitely not you," is what she heard. 'He no longer fears…' Rei thought and she began to slow her pace toward the fight. "but he still needs help."

But when she heard Asuka trying to stop him and his reply, her feet stopped moving and she just began to watch.

Kensuke finally caught up to her and by this point Shinji had taken his fighting stance. "Aren't you going to stop this?" questioned Kensuke. "No, this is his fight and he must fight it alone…But I will be there to help once it is over." She replied. "I see…"said Kensuke watching his changed friend standing there, who just shrugged off the other man's threats.

_Ooo wee ooo, I look just like Buddy Holly,  
Oh oh, and you're Mary Tyler Moore.  
I don't care what they say about us anyway.  
I don't care about that.  
I don't care about that. _

"God I can't believe they took my car!" said Misato. "Why was that again?" questioned Kaji still in disbelief about how Misato lost her car. "They took the thing because they said it was old enough to be a historical artifact and I was mistreating it. A few dings and couple of open beer cans and the government is all over my back," she finished angrily.

"So _why_ did you let them take it?" asked Kaji. Misato blushed, "Well they said well uh… they will ignore my DUI and numerous speeding tickets if I would 'donate' the car to the historical society. And I might have had a tiny hangover when this happened."

Kaji just couldn't help but laugh, which he was swiftly rewarded for with a jab in the stomach from Misato's elbow. "Don't laugh," growled Misato.

"Fine I guess I will chuckle then," replied Kaji.

"Don't push it," Misato said after finishing the beer she had ordered from the airport bar. "I wonder if Yui finished straightening out the tickets yet?" she pondered aloud. "Maybe we should find out," said Kaji after downing a shot of tequila and he stood up and offered a hand to Misato. She took it and they both started toward the terminal. When they got there they spotted Yui talking with the gate agent or more like bickering. "What a stupid rule! Green Shirts come on!" said Misato spying the two fighting adults. "Hey, we have at least twenty minutes so what do you want to do?" inquired Kaji slyly.

Misato giggled and looked at the man. "Oh, I don't know…do you think we would get caught?" she finished with a wink.

Just before Kaji could say something that would lead to me having to raise the rating of this fic something caught his eye. A group of men surrounding two other people.

"Hey what going on over there?" pointed out Kaji.

Misato squinted her eyes to see who was in the center. "Oh God! Is that Shinji?" She looked over at Kaji. "Yeah, I think that it is." said Kaji with a hint of amusement in his voice.

"Well don't you think you should do something to help?" Just then over the intercom a voice interrupted their conversation. "Security 59-K. Security is needed in Terminal E with code 59-K." Even though the message was garbled the main point got through to Kaji and Misato. "I don't think that is necessary anymore. Besides it is his fight." said Kaji.

Just then the three beers Misato had downed in the bar had taken their effect. "Hey! I have an idea to make this more interesting." She began spying around trying to find out where the voice was broadcasting the request for security was coming from.

"And that would be?" asked a skeptical Kaji knowing this voice only lead to trouble. But Misato finally spotted the counter a couple of feet behind them. She quickly walked up to the counter and waited for the man to finish his call for help. He then looked up and put on a smile and asked, "How may I help you miss?"

Misato began to bat her eyes at him and asked sweetly, "Does that allow you to play CDs over the intercom system?" she asked while pointing to a black blinking machine which also had the phone the man had used attached to it. Falling for the bait the man said, "I guess it could."

"Great!" shouted Misato. She then proceeded to produce a CD from her purse and jumped over the counter.

"MISS! ONLY EMPLOYEES ARE ALLOWED BEHIND THE COUNTER!" said the panicked man.

At seeing this Kaji just shook his head and began to head over to stop his girlfriend from being put behind bars for too long this time.

"Oh keep your panties on twinkle-toes," said Misato as she accomplished her goal. Quickly over the intercom came the anthem of "Hit me with your best shot!" and Misato smiled. The man just looked at her for a second then began to try to pry her away from the intercom system.

When Kaji got there he took pity on the boarding agent and began to help try to peel the intoxicated Misato away from the system. And the scuffle began.

_Bang Bang! Knocking on the door. Another bang bang get down on the floor.   
Oh no, what do we do? Don't look now, but I lost my shoe.  
I can't run and I can't kick. Wussa matta babe? Are you feeling sick?   
Wussa matta wussa matta wussa matta you?  
Wussa matta babe? Are you feeling blue! Oh-ohhhh._

The man turned around to face his posse and prepared to speak to them as well as Shinji at the same time. But he was rudely interrupted by what Shinji and the other could hear, it was some sort of struggle behind them and what seemed to be Misato's voice and then "Hit me with your best shot!" began to play. He smiled but this was not the time to investigate the sounds.

The man coughed and went back into his little talk. "Well, we can't have upstarts like you just getting away with comments like that. But I think…" In the middle of the sentence he spun quickly around before Shinji had time to prepare. He used his fist to hit Shinji below the jaw and sent him to the ground.

Shinji sat up and blood trickled out of his mouth from when he had bit his tongue. "…that will shut him up." finished the man. In the distance a struggling voice could be heard, "That…ugh…was a cheap shot!" the voice definitely belonged to Misato.

Shinji stood up and wiped the blood from his chin off on his sleeve and smiled. "You shouldn't have done that. I fear you just woke a sleeping dragon." Upon finishing this sentence he performed a Chuck Norris style round house kick to Doc the Clock Zimmerman's stomach. This sent the man to the ground and the sound of the man breath leaving him was audible. Just as the man struggled to get to his feet and was about to say something Shinji felt a strong hand on his shoulder.

A deep voice was heard behind him, "Alright break it up! What is the problem here?"

Shinji turn around to see the owner of the hand on his shoulder. He was a tall man with large muscles that were bulging inside of his blue shirt. On his chest was the insignia of airport security. Behind him were six other men with the same insignia.

Asuka was quick to speak, "That man was trying to force himself on me! Shinji just stopped them."

The man eye narrowed, "Is this true?" he asked the man who had just got himself off the floor.

"No sir. It was just a misunderstanding. I had just politely asked if she would like to join my friends and me for a drink. It won't happen again." He put on a polite smile and began to rejoin his pose and leave.

"It better not." said the security guard. As the group left Shinji could definitely hear one the men stupidly telling the leader, "I told you not fight him! He was one of them foreigners and we all know what happens when you piss one of them off, they go all Jackie Chan on your ass!" (So you know that is purposely bad grammar to show how stupid someone has to be to fall for stereotypes, so please don't e-mail me about it.) The leader just sneered and said, "Just shut up you stupid oaf." And they were finally out of sight.

_Ooo wee ooo, I look just like Buddy Holly,  
Oh oh, and you're Mary Tyler Moore.  
I don't care what they say about us anyway.  
I don't care about that.  
I don't care about that.  
I don't care about that.   
I don't care about that._

"Are you two alright?" asked the security guard.

"Yeah, I'm alright." Shinji replied. Asuka nodded her head in agreement.

"Well then I am gonna have to…" He stopped after hearing the struggle hoots of a certain woman. Looking over they saw Misato being pulled back over a counter by Kaji and pushed over by the gate agent. "Great Job kid! Get your hands off me!" she slapped the gate agent. "Misato please stop making a scene," the pleas of Kaji would come between her outbursts.

"Just stay out of trouble you two…" stated the security guard as he and his friends rushed off to go 'talk' to Misato. About five minutes later the song was finally removed from the intercom and Misato and the security guards were in a conversation in the back room and Kaji was mysteriously absent when the security guards arrived.

Asuka and Shinji just looked on until Misato was pulled into the back. "I bet she had four beers before she went over there," Shinji remarked.

"No, more like five," rebutted Asuka.

Then a voice came from behind them, "It was at least three, she will jump on anything after three."

Shinji looked behind himself and found the owner of the voice. It was Rei with a smug look on her face and Kensuke behind her with a bunch of bags.

"Yeah, you're right. Do you remember the time she tried to ride the vacuum down our stairs after she had a couple and we double dog dared her?" Shinji finished with a smirk. This got a laugh from all around.

"But I am not here to talk about Misato. I am here to talk about your stupidity brother," Rei said in that famous monotone voice she used when she wanted to drive a point home.

'Oh god this is it! She is going to use her alien powers to kill us all!' thought Kensuke.

"W-wha-what are you talking about?" said an exasperated Shinji.

"Taking on 6-1 odds in a fight. You could have gotten yourself killed!"

"It was worth the risk," he flatly returned.

"No it wasn't! You should have…"

He interjected, "I didn't think, but so what!"

"What? You would have made many people who care about you, extremely worried and cause problems for Mom at work and…"

Seeing Rei's point and his blood finally cooling off, he returned back to his old self, "I didn't think…sorry." He turned and began to leave.

"Where are you going?" yelled Rei and Asuka at the same time. They looked angrily at each other for a moment and waited for Shinji's response.

"I need time to think…" mumbled Shinji and he continued walking to nowhere in particular. Asuka looked after him for a few moments and there seemed to be battle showing on her face.

'Does he really want to be alone?' she kept thinking to herself. Finally she reached a decision and called after him. "I'll come with you!"

He turned and looked at the girl and seemed to think about it for a moment. Then he nodded his head and waited for her to catch up.

Rei gave him an inquisitive look and he just shook his head. When Asuka was next to him he took her hand and they began to walk.

"Be back in 20 minutes. Mom should have the ticket problem fixed by then!" shouted Rei. With his back turned he nodded his agreement.

He and Asuka walked in silence for what seemed like a long time in Asuka's mind, until Shinji saw a pretzel stand. He walked over to a nearby empty bench. He smiled at Asuka and said in a melancholy voice, "Wait here I'll get us a pretzel or somethin'."

Trying to keep up appearances Asuka said, "It better have…"

He cut her off in kind voice but still depressed, "Extra salt with a side of hot mustard. Just because were dating doesn't mean I changed, I know you Asuka."

She just stared at him for a moment and then said in a low voice, "Shinji?"

"Wait! I don't mean it in the perverted priest's way…aww...never mind, I'll just go get the pretzel." He said in a flustered voice and blushed. Then he left to go get the pretzels.

'What is up with him? He's acting really strange.' The German pondered. 'But the easily flushed and embarrassed part is still the same thought.' She got a small smile from this. She sat and watched Shinji stand in line with a glazed face as if deep in thought. He got to the counter and ordered the food and carried the pretzels and Asuka's mustard back to the bench. He handed her the pretzel and mustard and he gave a quick grin which went right back to the solemn face.

She looked at and said to him in a cheerful way, "Vielen Dank!" She knew he liked listening to her speak in German. It always brought a smile and maybe a laugh and this time was no different. He broken into a smile and after a moment he asked in a light hearted manner, "That doesn't mean "stupid moron" or something does it?"

She almost choked on the pretzel she was in the process of chewing. "If I was going to do that why would I use the pure German language? (Such a hypocrite ain't she?) I would use that barbaric one you call Japanese." She said with mock arrogance.

"Then what does it mean?" asked Shinji.

Asuka let out a 'hmph' at this point and said, "I have told you this for years! It means "thank you very much"…jeez sometimes you are such a dimwit."

The cheerfulness that Shinji had just gained drained in a moment, "Yep" said quietly.

They sat in silence eat their pretzels. Asuka's mind had gone back to the fight that it had just been in. The more she thought about it the more she kept stealing glances at the boy next to her. He looked so beat…'maybe I could…NO! I would never…but it would make him feel better…but' Asuka fought within her own mind. Finally her ego finally lost.

"Shinji…"

"What is it Asuka?"

"I am only going to say this once!"

"Al...Alright, what is it?"

"Than…Thank you…There I said it!"

He just blankly stared at her for a moment. "Thank you for what? A pretzel? Is something wrong? You normally…"

Her anger boiled over, "No you dimwit! Not for a pretzel!" Shinji had crawled in the fetal position on the bench. She took a deep breath and calmed herself down. She said the next part in a barely audible whisper, "for protecting me."

"You mean that fight?" Shinji asked in an indifferent voice.

"Of course you nimrod!" she said a little louder than she wanted.

"You don't have to thank me for that," he smiled. "I told you before I was just part of what I owe you…"

"What do you owe me for?" Asuka demanded.

Shinji, with steel eyes and one word with resentment that could have reached -23 degrees Kelvin. (For all of you non-nerds out there…negative Kelvin is impossible)

"Nagisa."

End song portion Thank you for reading this junk!

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This is the end of this chapter. The reason I took so long to publish this is due to many reasons. The majority of it was due to me being lazy, the second was I had written a whole chapter…didn't like it and restarted from scratch, the third was that this was supposed to be a much longer chapter containing many more plot elements but then I had the idea of a song-fic so by the time I finished that, it was almost the end of summer so I decided to cut my losses and just publish now. Fourth reason was due to the fact of vacations and my inaccessibility to a computer. So again I am sorry for the lateness…besides this IS the longest chapter yet.

Special Thanks to Draknal and L33t N1nj4 Boris for help with editing this…Otherwise it would be unreadable LOL! Reviews are appreciated but Flames are not…thanks for reading!

Until next time could you bring peace to the Middle East…I can't afford gas.

Ich werde Sie später sehen!

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